Be strong

Life with a child is indeed physically and mentally exhausted. No, I'm not complaining at all. We love him so much that we can spend hours just looking at his serene face while he was sleeping soundly and laugh out loud when his face was all red pooping at 3 in the morning. He is our heart and soul.

He came a bit late into our lives, which is after 3 years plus of marriage. There are always reasons for everything. My ustazah once said, when  you wanted something so bad, ask to Allah to answer your prayer only IF it is the best for you. So, when my prayer was not answered, I always believe that Allah knows best for us.

Therefore, having to live together, just the 2 of us for 3 years was actually a time well spent getting to know each other, husband and wife before a child came into the picture. Alhamdulillah, now I see the reason why.

When you've gone through one hell of a pain delivering a baby, it really helps a lot when you have a very understanding husband to take care of you and the baby. I have been nothing but a spoiled wife during the first 2 weeks after delivery (and still am). Husband even took an extra week of leave to take care of me and I almost cried on the first day he had to leave for work after that.

Having a child is not easy. (again not complainin). Worried range is always above scale 7 out of 10.
"Why didn't he poop for 2 days?"
"What is that red rashes on his face?"
etc
etc

Kamil was admitted for jaundice on his 5th day. He had to sleep under phototherapy wearing nothing but diaper. His small hand was set for IV drip, just in case he was dehydrated if he refused to breastfeed. The moment we put him under the light, he cried. Maybe he was cold and uncomfortable not wearing clothes. Ma and husband went back home for a while to pack our clothes while I stayed with Kamil at the ward. Being a mother for merely 5 days, I just sat there crying when he cried, trying to sooth him but to no avail, nothing works so I took him out of his bed and held him in my arms until Ma came back. I just couldn't sit there and see him cried.

IV drip set on his left hand :'(

alhamdulillah, after spending 2 nights there, Kamil was discharged. I wouldn't have gone through it without my mom who was with me for that 2 nights at the hospital.

3 days ago, Kamil was (and is still) down with blocked nose and cough. We couldn't stand seeing how he suffered trying to breath so we brought him (again) to the emergency for paed PPUM. He was put on nebulizer with normal saline and later nasopharyngeal suction was done to suck out the phlegm and mucus from his nose and throat. Imagine having tube into that small nose of him.

Kamil on nebulizer

A nurse took him into the procedure room and parents had to stay outside. A few minutes after that, I heard Kamil cried so loud that I had to be far away from the door. About 10 minutes after that, a nurse brought him to me. His eyes were swollen from crying, eyelashes all wet, his hair was in mess and he was asleep. He must be so tired after crying until he felt asleep. Poor child.

Kamil is only a month old but he has gone through a lot. We as parents have to learn fast about bringing up a child. (No more The Sims, Cityville, Pet Shop or whatsoever. heh.) When a mother wishes she can take away all pain from her child/children, that is absolutely true. I really wish I can take all the uneasiness he's suffering right now. My dear Kamil, we hope you'll grow up stronger.

Hello Lil K

First of all, alhamdulillah we are now parents to a beautiful baby boy.

On my 36 week check-up, the doctor said that the baby is already engaged and labour is on it's way anytime soon, so be prepared. the baby's estimated weight was 3.4kg *panic*

We booked FPP with Hospital Putrajaya with Dr Wan Ahmad Hazim and I still continued my antenatal check-up with the clinic. My EDD was supposed to be on the 26th, but since it falls on Hari Raya, I was asked to check-in on the 23rd to be induced if I haven't delivered yet. I had GDM therefore I can't exceed 40weeks.

13th October 2012
Week 38
We went for a walk at Taman Putra Perdana that morning. We did 2 rounds and it took us 1 hour to complete it. Imagine how slow the pace was. People said, walking is good for breathing practice and stamina. And I personally think that walking at the park in the morning is a great bonding time. Walking hand in hand, the cool weather, the conversation we had (light or serious matter). Furthermore, it's free, you don't have to take a bath or get dress or do make up beforehand and it's healthy. But later, I ate nasi lemak and roti canai banjir for breakfast. (tummy's craving for nasi lemak while typing this entry)

We went back to Ma's house that afternoon. That night, I spotted an early labour sign but still managed to sleep soundly and ate my favourite kebab.

14th October 2012 
Woke up with a shriek when I saw the bloody show after peeing. Husband kept on repeating, let's go to the hospital. I tried to act cool. Nah, this is just an early labour sign.

That morning, a doa selamat that was supposed to be held continued as planned although this daughter created a suspense about giving birth that day. The contraction was bearable but frequent and getting stronger.

We were advised to go to the hospital. I was a bit panic, "so here it is, I'm giving birth today". Ate a plate of Ma's nasi goreng and off we went to Hospital Putrajaya.  I couldn't think straight that I only asked forgiveness from Ma and I was wearing a blouse and kain batik to the hospital. Sloppy I tell you. My journey to giving birth that day was blessed with doa by so many people who attended the doa selamat. I couldn't ask for more.

Arrived at Dewan Bersalin Hospital Putrajaya at 12pm, checked-in and they ran some tests. CTG on my tummy to check on the baby's heartbeat. Heartbeat was ok but baby was very inactive. They set the IV drip and when it was turned on, the baby started kicking. I guess, he was as hungry as the mommy.

Luckily I was on FPP, I was invincible to HO and nurses. Every decision were made based on Dr.Hazim's word. No VE done by some random HO.

VE was done around 2.00pm. 4cm! (And it wasn't painful)

I was sent to the ward. I asked husband to buy me porridge and coffee (demanded Starbucks specifically) for energy to push later but he came back with A&W burger instead. Alamanda was jam packed with people because of the Idola Kecil thing and husband just couldn't risk spending too much time away from me.

Contraction was getting stronger. I managed to ate 2 pieces of kek pisang served while I was at the ward before VE was done again. 5cm++ at 4.30pm and I was pushed to the labour room (after enema).

At the labour room, the pain was unbearable. I remembered Ma's word to recite Allah name, selawat everytime I was in pain and to take deep long breath. Husband never left me and always by my side. I asked for his forgiveness and all. Fear of death suddenly clouded my mind. He looked worried.

A doctor came around 6.00pm, did VE again and my water broke. I was already 6cm++ dilated. Dr. Hazim then came and I was 8cm dilated. I couldn't stand the pain. I was asking for epidural or any kind of painkillers. But it was kind of too late for that. I was dilating fast.

At around 7.30pm, they prep me for labour. Dr Hazim said that he can feel the baby's head already. I was excited to push. They thought me to count while pushing.

The pushing began. I tried the best I could. However, after less than 5 pushes, the baby's heartbeat was dropping. So the doctor decided to do the vacuum procedure. There were so many nurses around me. 2 were holding my legs because I kept clutching them together, another sat next to me, advising me not to close my eyes while pushing. Husband told me, the first and second attempt failed because of the equipment (damn you Radicare) and the doctor requested for another equipment. I tried my best to give the longest and the strongest push, (I can feel the episiotomy y'all) and the third attempt succeeded.

A nurse put the baby on my tummy, but he wasn't crying. I cried instead. I managed to touch him but they quickly took the baby out of the room, a paediatrician was on standby mode outside the labour room to attend to my baby. I was worried sick and I couldn't feel a thing they did to me later after the delivery.

Then I heard a baby's cry. My baby finally cried. I cried. The stitching activity lasted for about 15 minutes done by Dr. Hazim himself. I asked him how long was the episiotomy and he just replied "Normal for first timer". Cheh. Not long after that, I heard the husband recited the azan. I sobbed continuously eventhough I couldn't witness it myself.

Still in the labour room, the nurses cleaned me up and brought in some food. I don't feel like eating at all eventhough I only had nasi goreng and kek pisang that day.

Husband came in, with tears in his eyes. He took my hand, kissed my forehead and said thank you. I never see him cried and today he did. I couldn't utter a word and kept on sobbing. I felt so loved. I pray that this baby will make our relationship stronger. A nurse brought the baby in, he's so tiny and cute. My crying continues and said to husband, "wow, I managed to get this out, awesome"

The moment of silent, we just stared at him. We named him Kamil. Just Kamil. A name that we have already decided when we knew the gender.

Fresh from my womb.
Born on 14 October 2012 at 1953hours, 54cm long, 3.25kg
We waited 3 years ++ for you dear.

We spent the first night with Lil Kamil as parents at the hospital. Lucky for me, single bed room was available that day. Ma came to see me for a while. And I just cried while hugging her, sobbing trying to utter "So this is like giving birth. How did you manage to do this 6 times"

Lil Kamil latched perfectly but I didn't have enough to make him feel full so the nurses gave him formula milk. Otherwise he couldn't sleep and kept on crying. I was extremely tired that night and slept most of the time, husband was the one who took care of Kamil all night, woke up every one hour when Kamil was crying. Up till now, husband was the one who woke up first everytime Kamil cried at night. I am blessed with a good husband. Alhamdulillah.

Ibu, I managed to get my hands out of the swaddle.

Kamil is now 24 days old. Ibu is now at her pre-pregnancy weight. another less than 10kg to get back my DPA weight. Yay..

Well anyway, giving birth and having a child on my own has thought me to appreciate my mom more than anything else. Having to carry the baby for 9 months wasn't easy and giving birth was so freaking painful beyond words. You love your child so much, you will cry when anything is not right with him, your heart aches to see him in pain and these are among fews what our mothers had gone through bringing us up.

I heart my mom and husband a lot.