It's officially gone

Good news I mentioned in the previous3 post is now officially a sad one.

After 22 months of marriage, I finally get the one I wanted. Oh yes, a double line on the pregnancy test kit. I even bought the most expensive one on the counter.

However, dear God has better plan for me. That tiny little thing just won't stay where it should be. It fell and died. I miscarried at week 5.

At first, I blame the long distance travelling back and forth to work. Remember when I was rushing to Putrajaya by public transport to send those important papers because office car was not available and the travelling to Lumut for the workshop?

But then, just now I saw it in the screen. It's still here in my uterus, lifeless. I can see that the shape is deformed. So the doctor said, it's actually a good thing that it didn't survive.

I was given another 2 day MC. I was asked to rest, and hopefully it will go out naturally like menses. If it doesn't, then I have to go through D&C which I find it very horrifying.

I experienced no symptom of pregnancy and even though it is still very new, I had grown fond of it and it is indeed such a beautiful feeling to know that I'm carrying our baby.

Of course, I did cry, a lot. I knew there must be something wrong the moment I bled heavily on Monday. Went to AnNur Bangi, the doc did vaginal scan and she couldn't see the baby sac. Did UPT again (only a very faint double line) and a blood test which I received the result today that shows that I WAS pregnant.

My emotion is like a roller coaster. Last night I was happily watching this hilarious JDrama and a moment later, I was sobbing like a toddler who lost her toy. Luckily I have a wonderful husband who always supports me during my ups and downs.

Well, the good thing is, it shows that I can conceive. So Allah is giving us a sign that I'm perfectly normal and my time will come soon.

(I'm not promoting clear blue here, hehehe)
On the 22nd, the line is fading and so did my heart.. :'(