Be strong

Life with a child is indeed physically and mentally exhausted. No, I'm not complaining at all. We love him so much that we can spend hours just looking at his serene face while he was sleeping soundly and laugh out loud when his face was all red pooping at 3 in the morning. He is our heart and soul.

He came a bit late into our lives, which is after 3 years plus of marriage. There are always reasons for everything. My ustazah once said, when  you wanted something so bad, ask to Allah to answer your prayer only IF it is the best for you. So, when my prayer was not answered, I always believe that Allah knows best for us.

Therefore, having to live together, just the 2 of us for 3 years was actually a time well spent getting to know each other, husband and wife before a child came into the picture. Alhamdulillah, now I see the reason why.

When you've gone through one hell of a pain delivering a baby, it really helps a lot when you have a very understanding husband to take care of you and the baby. I have been nothing but a spoiled wife during the first 2 weeks after delivery (and still am). Husband even took an extra week of leave to take care of me and I almost cried on the first day he had to leave for work after that.

Having a child is not easy. (again not complainin). Worried range is always above scale 7 out of 10.
"Why didn't he poop for 2 days?"
"What is that red rashes on his face?"
etc
etc

Kamil was admitted for jaundice on his 5th day. He had to sleep under phototherapy wearing nothing but diaper. His small hand was set for IV drip, just in case he was dehydrated if he refused to breastfeed. The moment we put him under the light, he cried. Maybe he was cold and uncomfortable not wearing clothes. Ma and husband went back home for a while to pack our clothes while I stayed with Kamil at the ward. Being a mother for merely 5 days, I just sat there crying when he cried, trying to sooth him but to no avail, nothing works so I took him out of his bed and held him in my arms until Ma came back. I just couldn't sit there and see him cried.

IV drip set on his left hand :'(

alhamdulillah, after spending 2 nights there, Kamil was discharged. I wouldn't have gone through it without my mom who was with me for that 2 nights at the hospital.

3 days ago, Kamil was (and is still) down with blocked nose and cough. We couldn't stand seeing how he suffered trying to breath so we brought him (again) to the emergency for paed PPUM. He was put on nebulizer with normal saline and later nasopharyngeal suction was done to suck out the phlegm and mucus from his nose and throat. Imagine having tube into that small nose of him.

Kamil on nebulizer

A nurse took him into the procedure room and parents had to stay outside. A few minutes after that, I heard Kamil cried so loud that I had to be far away from the door. About 10 minutes after that, a nurse brought him to me. His eyes were swollen from crying, eyelashes all wet, his hair was in mess and he was asleep. He must be so tired after crying until he felt asleep. Poor child.

Kamil is only a month old but he has gone through a lot. We as parents have to learn fast about bringing up a child. (No more The Sims, Cityville, Pet Shop or whatsoever. heh.) When a mother wishes she can take away all pain from her child/children, that is absolutely true. I really wish I can take all the uneasiness he's suffering right now. My dear Kamil, we hope you'll grow up stronger.