Reality

8th February

Wow, fourth entry of the month. And February is still in the first half. Pat on the back Yaya.

Of course, Kamil's asleep. The only time I can have my me time. Usually during the day, I'll finish up the housechores and some other things, while sometimes, I spent time reciting the Quran with Kamil on my lap. (There were a few times when I was reciting the Quran, Kamil continuously laughing at something I couldn't see with my naked eyes giving me goosebumps all of a sudden.)

Erm, I did something I am ashamed to tell you guys today.

I watched the Titanic.

Yeah the movie with Leornado DiCaprio and Kate Winslet, HD version. 3 1/2 hours in front of the telly.

But I wasn't giving so much attention to it. My mind was wandering to the younger version of me. I was the sweet 13 year old girl back then. hihi

I first watched Titanic at Kota Bharu (Yes, Kelantan used to have a cinema) with Sis Yanti. We were 15 minutes late so we watched it again at Central Market (And yes, CM used to have a cinema too). I cried both times, silly me.

The Titanic movie made me think of death. I can't imagine how painful it is frozen to death or died drowning. I am always afraid of water. So any activity involves water does not interest me. I rather stay at the top deck of the ferry so that if anything happens, I am not trapped inside. I never dream of going for a holiday cruise, thanx to the Titanic movie. heh

In the middle of the movie, Kamil cried, wanting my attention. My mind went back to the present time, my present time.

Reality slapped me on the face.

I have a kid.

Oh my, I am 15 years older. Entering 3 series next year and I am still very bad at cooking.

Suddenly I remember this one time when Ma was holding Kamil during my confinement period and she said, "You still have a long way to go dear Kamil while I can go anytime and I don't know how much time I have to see you grow up".

Those words brought me to tears (and still does).

I love her so much, I can't imagine my life without her. She is still and forever will be my best friend.

*sobs*

I have a kid and I can no longer be a kid anymore.

There were a few times at night, I woke up, saw Kamil by my side and I freaked out.

Being a mother actually scares the hell out of me.

I desperately want the best for my kid and want him to grow up well, it is sometimes stressful. But it is a good stress because in order for us to bring up a good kid, we have to set up a good example, be a good muslim and muslimah so that he grew up in a very good environment.

Having a child matures me in so many ways and I pray hard my child(ren) will love me as a mother (eventhough I don't cook well :D)

Anyways, 2 weeks more to work.

*cry hard*