Reminiscing

What I did last Saturday and Sunday was actually a mixture of reminiscing this and this..

Oh yes. We (husband and I) were among the facilitators for the M41 P@C at INTIM. Turned down 2 favours before but we couldn't say no on the 3rd time, for the sake of the experience and friendship (and the money ;)

Off we went to Kemaman on late Friday afternoon and arrived at 9.00pm sharp for the briefing.

I have not been there since PTD Unggul. February 2012 will mark the 5th year. How time flies.

Upon arriving at the Blok Eksekutif's Lobby, there was this flash of every moment of what I've been through in year 2007. Syahdu beb..

The Dewan Samudera which is the main hall, Dewan Bahtera which is the dining hall, Blok Warisan, Blok Akademik, Blok Pentadbiran, the corridor between Blok Eksekutif and Blok Pentadbiran where I always came across this tall, skinny guy who's forever on the phone; everything still looks the same. Except for me who has gained 12kg and I'm married to that tall, skinny guy.. heh

Spent the 2 nights at room 4001. A big spacious room with 2 single beds located at the end of the block.

On Saturday, we started our roll as the facilitators. And guess which panel I was assigned to? It was Tuan @li!!!!!! Hahaha..

He was my sidang's PPK during DPA but I never had the chance to get to know him and now I have. He's one cool panel and a fun person to chat with. He's damn friendly. The Tuan @li I never knew.

Of course, he noticed dear husband and commented that husband is more kurus than when he was in DPA. He is notttttttt.. Please look at his tummy.. hehehehe

The P@C was done in 2 days and 1 night which consist of these activities:
1. Kajian kes
2. Case Study
3. Penyelesaian masalah
4. Problem Solving
5. 2.4km run
6. Public Speaking

I remember during my P@C, candidates were at the range of those born in 1982 to 1984. Everyone looked so young and immature. But for this session, it was a mixture of all ages even as old as 38 years old and the youngest are born in 1989.

Anyway, apart from how they perform, I noticed some of them wore very worn out shoes and clothes. Sayu... I couldn't help feeling, erm, it's hard to put it to words. Most of them were so eager and trying their best to compete and to gain a post, even when they had to wear faded shoes that looked grey instead of black, over-sized shirt, pants that was not even a pair of slacks and a very worn out belt, they don't look ashamed. I felt pity at first then proud and kagum at the same time.

And these people were very humble with their words and actions whereas those who were very confident and cocky are mostly from a better family background. Such a big difference.

Before they released us, there was this score review session with all panels and facilitators. We reviewed those who pass (the score and the image of the candidates) This actually made us think of us during our time.

Suraya binti xxxxxx age xx
Graduated from UKM in Food Science and Nutrition with CGPA X.XX
Currently unemployed.
(displaying image from the next screen and panels commented)

Kamarul Redzuan bin xxxx age xx
Graduated from UKM in xxxxxxxx with CGPA X.XX
Currently working at xxxxxxxx
(displaying image from the next screen and panels commented)

Hehehehe

To those in the same scheme, we were given the chance and were selected among thousands of candidates through out the country. The panels must have seen something in us during that time, they put high hope that we'll be a good officer, therefore don't let them down and work our very best till the end of our service..

Wordless Wednesday #1

Adoption

A very controversial title for a ttc blog owner like me. heh

No, I'm not adopting a child.

I was doing my monthly budget for next year just now and discovered that I'll have extra $ when the office move to Putrajaya (no more expenses for transportation). Yay.

Read the WWF Newsletter and decided to..........

....adopt a panda.

Awww, those cute eyes.

It's actually a symbolic adoption in support of WWF-Malaysia conservation efforts to save endangered species and habitats.

Interested? Click here. You can choose either tiger, panda, turtle or orang utan :)

The claim

To those interested to seek treatment at LPPKN and want to know how much it cost, you should get ready around this amount.


We didn't do IUI because I only had 1 potential ovum after a series of gonal-f so we did timed intercourse.

Bare in mind that you can claim for primary infertility treatments only . It means, it is for those who had never been pregnant before (IVF and seangkatan dengannya not included).

So, for me who HAD once and lost it, we have to bare the cost ourselves for the treatments ahead and it isn't cheap you see.

Giving it a rest

I haven't talked much about my ttc story, have I?

there isnt't much to talk about. I have stopped visiting lppkn for the moment eventhough I can see lppkn's building from my office's window.

Husband told me to continue after my office move to Putrajaya because he knows his wife will never walk gracefully when she has to take 2 different transports to work. There'll be time when she's late and has to run to catch the train. His wife is like that.

Anyway, I already submitted my claim, my one and only claim to my office. The process is very simple.

You fill in the form as mentioned in Pekeliling Perkhidmatan Bil. 21 tahun 2009.

Paste all your receipt on the A4 paper and submit the form+receipt to lppkn.

Later, lppkn will give you a call to collect your form along with cover letter from lppkn.

My finance dept query my form asking me to complete part V and they said, I should seek treatment at the govt hospital first and can only go to lppkn if I was referred there. I was pissed. Part V is actually for those referred to private clinic/hospital and was given medication not provided in the govt hospital.

Lppkn is not a private clinic. It's stated there in the GO that civil servants can seek primary infertility treatment either in govt hospital or lppkn.

So, I gave JP@ a call to confirm that I am right because finance won't believe my explanation. He kept on comparing my claim with those claiming for hemodialysis treatment.

And I am right all along.

The difference between lppkn and govt hospital is that, govt hospitals accept GL. So, you don't have to cough out your own money whereas at lppkn, it's faster but you have to pay first and claim later. You can do as many IUI as you want and claim back your money as long as you are never pregnant before.

So, if any of you face the same problem as I am, you can say confidently that Part V is irrelevant or you can ask them to contact JP@ Bahagian Saraan. I talked to puan Shim@ yesterday.

I'll be moving back to Putrajaya in mid December. Owh, I can't wait. I miss having lunch with husband. However, I'm going to miss a lot of things that Putrajaya doesn't have, especially Sogo... :(

Speechless

We had our dinner at Kenny R last night. As a former nutrition student, I should be ashamed to step in the fast-food outlet too often. So, we opted for something a bit 'healthy'.. hehe

Husband was hungry I think because his food finished in a blink of an eye. Ok, exaggerating. But he did eat very fast.

Well, I was savouring my food and ate slowly, graceful woman in the making y'all. We talked and gossiping during dinner.

Then came this couple. Husband noticed the guy was carrying a tab, an iP@d maybe. They sat at their table and both of them attended to their gadget, not talking to each other. The lady with her galaxy and the guy with his iP@d.

Then their food came.

The guy put his tab on his right and started eating. Still not talking to his friend/spouse in front of him. And can you believe, that the guy was actually still concentrating on the iP@d, tapping on the screen while chewing his food.

Maybe they were in the middle of a cold war, giving each other a silent treatment. But if they didn't, then it's just sad to see a couple or a pair of friends not talking but so engrossed with their gadgets instead of spending time enjoying each others company.

And it wasn't appropriate of us to do what we did but we couldn't help it. heheh

A place called home

I never really talk much about our first house we live together, am I?

We moved-in on February 1st 2010. It's a spacious apartment / quarters on the fourth floor located in Putrajaya.

I love it there. We love it there.

It is so spacious and several times we played badminton in the house.

It has very little furniture.

We only bought the basic things so that we don't have bring a lot to our own house. A 3-seater sofa, a small japanese table and a tv set for the living room, a queen bed for the our bedroom and a washing machine which recently reached it's 3-month old. We use mom's old fridge and I brought along my single bed which I have been using since I was 7.

That is all.

This house is more like a rumah persinggahan. We sleep, change, eat and watch tv during weekdays and leave it empty during weekends.

We received not so many / (none most of the time) guests.

InsyaAllah, we will be moving to our own house early next year (yay) but I was feeling a lil bit sad to leave our very first place we called home. I was thinking about this on my way to the office this morning.

Every weekend, we moved my stuff from my mom's place to our quarters so that when the time come to move, everything is from this house only.

Moving my stuff actually takes longer than I thought.

I was nagging husband about how banyak his stuff was last year not knowing that my stuff is lagi banyak banyak from his.

I never new I had that much stuff and clothes...... Thanks to mom who always sewed the clothes slightly bigger and insist me to wear lose clothes therefore I never outgrow eventhough I've gained kgs for the past years. I can still wear most of them.

I was sorting the clothes when husband suddenly stared at them and said, "I wonder how big the wardrobe will it be to fit all the these clothes of yours"


hahaha

down

I miss the sun..

I go to work before the sun rises and leave the office after the sun sets. Reaching home around 9 and sometimes I dozed off wearing my working attire. Teruk, I know. But I'm just too tired when I reached home.

Working in a department which our scheme is the minority is quite tough. The management staff are very limited but had to cater for 6400++ staff through out malaysia regarding their services in the govt.

Eversince I transferred here, there were only a few times I managed to reach home at 7 and ate homecooked food.

So, to those who said “we” get back on time can eat my smelly foot.



Well anyway, I’m glad that I’m stress about all these because it means, I have income generated every month.

Train..

Taking the public transport is never boring.

Yesterday, I got to meet the lady with moustache and beard.

2 days ago, I eavesdropped a very interesting conversation about Malaysia's politics. I like eavesdropping.

Last week, there was this guy who couldn't stand still. He kept moving around. I think he's a bit not right up there. He had his lighter in his hand and kept on clicking the lighter at people's hand. Oh yes, the writer was one of the victims. He talked to himself all the way in the train. Scary because I was just a few feet away from him.

Sometimes, I got to meet couples who couldn't care less caressing each other in front of other passengers.

And everyday, I'll meet the usual people. We are a bunch of people who took the same gerabak at the usual time everyday.

I still have difficulties to differentiate between the obese and the pregnant lady. Asking the "Are you pregnant" question is like a time bomb. She may be just fat but I assumed she's pregnant and wanted to give her my seat. I'm always in a dilemma.

For the first time in my life, I'm glad that my own tummy is like I'm in trimester 1 going to 2. Whenever I can't decide whether she's pregnant or not, I just leaned back on my seat and put my hand on my tummy like those pregnant mothers always do.

I'm superbad....

Quality time

The brain is like a machine. It'll get rusty when we don't use it.

In one of the JDramas I watched, this character (a lawyer cum teacher) teaches his students to be inquisitive. Always ask the question WHY on everything they saw because everything that is made and done have their reasons. Question yourself and find the answer, you'll gain more knowledge as you go.

I always like numbers and calculation. (But I loathe calculus ;). IF you observe around you, you'll find numbers everywhere. I walk by the roadside and always keep my mind moving by summing up the 4 digits plate number.

Anyway, the colleagues and I had a conversation about office scandal and why it happened among married couples. And we concluded that some of them spent too much time outside instead of with their spouse.

So, I was calculating the hours I spent with husband in a week while standing in the train. Then I was distracted by this woman sitting in front of me. She has moustache and beard!! I have seen women with moustache in the tv but never in my real life, just a foot away. So, I couldn't help myself looking at her. Who's the weirdo here?

Coming back to my calculation.

I minus the sleeping time and calculated, we actually see each other at the average of 2 hours a day during weekdays!!! During weekends, we religiously spent time at the parents' house so weekends are more like the parents' time.

From now on, I want to work like a machine (not that I wasn't before, hehe), a super power machine so that I get to meet my sweet husband earlier than 8pm..

seriously, only 2 hours a day??!!!!! haish

Grandfather passed away last Thursday morning.

Read the sms sent by mom at 5.30 am. I wanted to catch the earliest flight back but I had to send a report to this particular department in Putrajaya that morning. So I took the 1.40pm flight alone. Husband had a meeting on Friday to attend to.

Arrived at LCCT at 15minutes to 1. McD penuh. Tummy was rumbling wanted to be fed. So we ate RM10 chicken rice served with overcooked beansprout. I hate beansprout but because the chicken rice is so damn expensive, I ate everything on the plate.

Saying goodbye to husband was sedih even-though the short trip was only for 3days. hahaha.

I slept the moment I was seated in the airplane and woke up when it landed.

Sis Yana fetched me at the airport and we went to Tok's house.

Tok ayah and I were never close. But when I was small, he used to bring bro Pian and I to Warta and we can choose any toy we wanted when he came to stay at our house. That was the only memory I had with him.

When I hugged Tok, she whispered "Our Tok Ayah is no longer with us".
I cried..
Her life partner of 70 years has left her forever.

So dear readers,
if you're reading this, can you sedekahkan Al-Fatihah for my grandfather.
Thank you..

Us and my grandparents during Eidulfitri 2009.

The New Broom

It's not fair to compare me with the one who has been here for 3 years. Send me back to my old place and I can give explanation from A to Z what HSS is all about.

Please stop repeating that I need to catch-up fast. I'm trying my best here.

I hate long-winded meeting. Therefore, I only speak when necessary. I find it such a waste of time repeating the same thing others have mentioned before but some people really like doing it in order for the chairman to notice him or her. Haish, giler glam lepas tu meeting pun dragging...

It's Monday and I'm bitter because I didn't have enough sleep last night. Currently addicted to Farm Frenzy. *yawn for the hundredth time*

Driving

I got my licence when I was 20 years old.

I started driving alone when I was 21. It was my final year and the thesis + lab works needed me to stay back late at the campus because I don't have my own pc or the internet. So, I was afraid to take the bus. Siapa pernah naik bas mini or bas selangor di Bandar Baru Bangi tahu siapa memenuhi bas itu lepas jam 6.

When I was not yet 23, I started working at Putrajaya. Driving back and forth from my mom's house in Selayang.

At first, I was cautious. Driving at not more that 90km/h.

Later, I started to get impatient.

I drove fast and sometimes a bit reckless.

At the age of not yet 24, I involved in an accident.

After the long mc, I drove my dad's unser to work for a month because my car was damaged dengan dahsyat. Still traumatised but had to drive the big car to work. Nangis..... susah amat nak parking..

A few months after that, I recovered from the trauma.

At this time, I hardly drove to work because I had my dpa and later car-pooled with Wan to work.

However, I find that I still drive like I used to before the accident. Fast....

Then, I accidentally stepped on the wrong pedal and I hit the pillar at the parking lot.

It has been 7 months but the image of crashing the pillar still haunts me.

I'm turning into a makcik that kept on saying "slow sikit", "e'eh, rapat sangat tu dengan kereta depan tu" when another person is driving.

and I think I'll end up having heart attack if I don't close my eyes if bro Pian is driving. Giler laju dan suka brake rapat dengan kereta depan. Semalam nyaris2 nak langgar palang smart-tag bile palang tak bukak akibat reader tak sensitif. huhu, kecut perut..

A makcik or not, I hardly drive more than 100km/h now. I value my life, those in my car with me and other cars on the road.

So don't bel ike me, dah accident baru nak menyesal. Drive safely semua :)


Note for husband:

Abg,
Ayg tak mahu bmw ataupun mercedes ataupun mana2 kereta mahal di dunia ni. ayg hanya mahu pintu suka hati untuk hadiah harijadi tahun depan.

Love,

Flattered

I found my friend, the head of class when we were in standard 2. Read his blog and saw this.. Hehehe..

I never knew.. ;)

Just the 2 of us..

Tu dia. Tema baju sama dengan warna dinding rumah pak mertua :D

Cab ride

Last night's cab ride was horrifying.

Husband had a food tasting session for his ministry's raya celebration near Berjaya KL yesterday. He went there by office car, so I couldn't tag along to go back to Putrajaya but he said he'll be able to pick me up around 8++ at Putrajaya Central and later to meet the lawyer.

However, they only started eating around 8! I left the office 15minutes after 8pm because the safety officer in charged wanted to go home early last night. Planning to take the 9.10 ERL hoping that the husband was already at Putrajaya when I arrived.

Too bad I arrived before he did. He's still in KL.

I was tired and feeling nauseous because I forgot to eat lunch. I bought a big packet of c0ttage fries and finished eating it in 5 minutes. Please rate my hunger.

It's already 9.30pm. So I decided to take the cab back home instead of waiting.

Putrajaya Central to Presint 17 cost me RM15.50. (Mahal amat) This is my 2nd time taking a cab alone but this time it was at night.

Recited doa and all before entering the cab.

Then, this cab driver took me using a different route I'm not familiar with. I was panicking. The road was very dark and sunyi. It was just us on the road.

Heart was thumping hard. Negative thoughts were pouring into my head. I can't see his name on the card to inform husband because it was very dark. I couldn't remember the car plate number either.

Seriously, my hand was already at the door handle, readied to jump out of the car like how Angie Jolie did in most of her film. Crazy I tell you.

Kept on reciting ayat qursi. And planned on what I should do if he suddenly stop the car out of nowhere. Rumbled through my huge handbag and the only dangerous weapon I could find was the kipas lipat I got at one of my friends' wedding.

And then.....

I saw the Presint 17 signboard. What a big relieve when I step out of the cab.

Tobat, won't take the cab at night ever again..

Pakcik taxi, don't you know that there's a shorter route to Presint 17. Why the hell you took the very complicated one. Haish..

Took bath and went to sleep immediately. Traumatised I tell you.. hehe

I remember in one of the series of 3R, it teaches what women should do when we take a cab alone.
1. Memorise the plate number.
2. Immediately after you get inside the cab, make a real/fake call and purposely talk loudly so that the cab driver heard everything you said. In the conversation, inform the cab driver's name, his registration number, the plate number and everything about the cab to your friend.

Those information given to your friend will hopefully alert the cab driver that if he wish to do bad things to you, he'll be the prime suspect.

Oh well, whatever it is, don't panic. Bila dah panic, you don't even remember that you are actually holding a phone. heh

The housewife

Once in a while, it's fun to be the housewife.

This usually happens when I took leave and just stayed at home while the husband was at work. I'd run the house from scrubbing the toilet, mop the whole house, wash clothes, clean the kitchen, cook, getting emotional over soap-operas, have lots of time to sleep. Obviously I find it seronok because I don't have kid(s) who'll scream for attention like every 10minutes, yet.

On Monday morning, when I am extremely lazy to go to work
"Abg, can I quit working? You go to work and provide me money, food and shelter. In Arab countries, women stay at home and solek2 for the husband je keje dia tau. Abg cepat la naik JUSA and then later I can stay at home. Working makes me fat and wrinkled because I have no time to exercise and got so stress out at work.
You want your wife to look nice and pretty kan, kan, kan?"
Husband: zzzzzzzzzzzz

What's it like to be a full-time housewife?

I'll definitely have more time to learn new recipes, sew clothes, DIY lots of things, exercise, beauty sleep... M@rtha Stew@rt, M@rtha Stew@rt.. Wow, macam best..

Will it?

But I know I can't...

(Unless we move to a kampung which it's huge karipap sedap is still 30cent a piece. (ade lagi ke?) or we won the RM100K cash contest..)

...because I won't, at the moment...

I just lurveeee to have my own money to spend and later sms-ed the husband "ooopppppssss" when I "accidentally" bought that thing he didn't approve of before. And of course, the monthly commitments..

For the time being, let's leave it this way. Save lots of money while I can. When that time comes when a mommy and not the nanny is needed at home, I'll be there. Hopefully abg is earning like RM15K per month by then.. Echeh..


Note for husband:
"Abg, let's have cat(s) when we move to our own house and named 1 of them Ali like the one you used to have when you were kid. But you have to do the poo cleaning. I'm allergic to it's smell.

Love,

The 3rd raya

This is our 3rd raya as husband and wife. As i've mentioned before, eidulfitri is never my favourite holiday. I absolutely love Ramadhan more than Syawal.

The first day of Syawal this year was celebrated at Wan's kampung in Batu Gajah. We went back on Raya's eve after helping as much as we can at my mom's house. The sisters were all at the in-laws as well, Sis Yanti is still in Australia which only left the boys to help around.

The thing I miss most about raya morning at mom's house is her ayam merah. Unlike many other states, we eat nasi on raya morning. Mom will cook nasi minyak with her yummylicious ayam merah and later we eat nasi dagang at Tok's house. Nasi impit, lemang, lontong are never our favourite raya dish. For us, those are not raya dish. Heh. We always eat after raya prayer.

Different family, different style. Wan's family eats raya dish before raya prayer n no nasi. Just lemang and nasi impit. I ate a lot of daging this raya. Amazingly, takde bengkak sana sini. Went jalan2 raya to a few relatives' houses. Real kampung houses. It was scorching hot kan? I had migraine and vomitting.

Spent 2 days at Bt. Gajah before headed off to Kota Bharu to see my parents and my tok. The last time I went back was 2 years ago. Kota Bharu has changed a lot. No more kedai runcit kecik near the bus station where we used to buy jajan during raya, stesen bas pun dah takde sampai terlajak masuk simpang lain masa nak pergi rumah tok.

A day after that, we went back to KL which took us 12 hours on the road.

Fell ill on Saturday. Pelik. Drivernya orang lain, demamnya orang lain. Continued with very high fever the next day. Habis plan nak dating2. Took bath at 12 noon and ended up shivering and vomitting. Dah takut sebab dulu kena denggi pun macam ni juga simptom dia. Slept the whole day after panadol popping and drank a lot of water. Couldn't sleep during the night, meracau and nightmares, woke up every 1/2 hour.

Alhamdulillah, the fever went down a bit yesterday and went to the clinic for blood test today. BP ok, blood result ok. But still a bit weak becausevof lack of sleep during the nights and headache masih ada. It hurts when I move my head or cough.

My mc for the past 4 months lagi banyak dari 4 tahun di tempat lama. Whether my body is getting older and weaker or taking the public transport is actually exposing me to more germs and diseases. Huhu

Oh, about the "question", I find it less annoying this year. However, I couldn't help wishing to have my own whom I can dress prettily during raya. If mine were still alive, I'm in my week 16. (I never unsubscribe the baby centre newsletter)

Anyway, i hope all of you are having a blastful Eidulfitri :)

Raya picture will be uploaded later. This year's theme sama dengan warna dinding umah mertua.. Hehe

Book and food

Mom recommended me to read this book when I told her about my pregnancy 2 months ago. Even after what happened, I still continue to read it.


This book was written in 1972. It fascinates me because the writer is a well known nutritionist and I absolutely love reading anything about food and nutrition.

It teaches how to eat properly and reasons on why we are asked to eat certain food during and before pregnancy. Best, best.. Sila bace untuk dapat bayi yang sihat :)

emotional

Think before you speak.

We get that too often but only a few who really apply it in life. Most of the time, we are just too excited, too angry or too emotional and we spoke without giving much thoughts whether what's blurted out from our mouth are pleasant or the other way round.

My friend (a ttc herself) told me about her friend who loses her baby a few weeks before due date. Before it happened, my friend was a bit pissed off with her because she talked a lot about her difficulties being pregnant. She even commented a few times how lucky my friend is still childless, able to enjoy time together with her spouse and how she will never understand what it feels like being pregnant. Those words hurt my friend a lot, she cried and that time she was emotional, angry and sad, she wish that God shows His greatness.

(Careful what you wish for dear)

Then it happened. Just a few weeks before due date. The baby just stopped breathing in the mother’s womb.

My friend isn’t overjoyed to hear that news eventhough how bad that friend treated her before. Gila kejam kalau bersuka atas kesedihan orang lain. She hopes that she never wish for bad things to happen to her friend.

Being pregnant and giving birth to a healthy baby are miracles that happen every minute. If you remember science or biology subject (or those who went through multiple times of IUIs and IVFs), you knew how susah nak berjaya. Just because it happens to many of us (and those minah rempit with just a one night stand), people don’t see it as a miracle anymore (unless to the TTC’s).

Praise to God always for His gift.

Talking about being emotional, we tend to curse people and couldn’t help wishing for bad things to happen to them when we are angry (with them).

An ustaz once told us, orang yang beriman akan mendoakan agar dia berubah instead of berharap dia mati accident dengan dahsyat, otak terburai. Ape yang kita harap tu suatu doa, kalau ramai harap macam tu, termakbul la kot dengan izin Allah. Dia mati, isteri jadi balu, anak takda mak/ayah, takde sumber pendapatan, gejala sosial... Tapi kalau kita doa dia berubah jadi baik, termakbul pula, banyak faedahnya..

Tapi tu lah, kita manusia selalu ikut nafsu dan perasaan bila marah kan?

Anyway, if I’m still not yet pregnant next month, I’ll proceed with the fertility treatment. Had a chat with one of the nurses when I dropped by to pick up my claim letter and told her I miscarried. She asked me to start treatment straight away after puasa. Dia cakap saya ni jenis yang cepat lekat, sekali buat walaupun tak berlaku bulan tu, lekat bulan selepas tu. Harap2 begitulah..
So, here we go again aktiviti suami jadi doctor di rumah inject gonal-f. Are you ready beb?