Will be celebrating our 1 year anniversary in a few weeks. Plans have been made and I was hoping we can celebrate it with a special "gift" for both of us. But none.. It will be just the two of us.
For the last few weeks, I've heard so much of "patient yaya, your time isnt here yet" and truly it doesnt help when it comes from people who got pregnant almost immediately after getting married and blessed with cute babies..
It triggers me whether I may have said something about not wanting babies but I couldnt recall any. However the rage I felt when we bickered can really screwed up my mind sometimes and I may have wished for something I dont mean.
Yesterday was emotional. The moment I knew the circle starts as usual, I burst into tears like the past 6 months. Raya is nearing, and it's making it worst. Wan have been nothing but supportive. Words wont help, I just need hugs and he knows it already.. We ordered a big combo meal of pizza delivery for dinner and watched Gossip Girls Season 3. Yeah, I find comfort by watching tv. It eases my mind away and floods it with Blair and the gang's problem.
At 12.30am, Wan needed to use the laptop to finish up his works (see, govt officer brings work home tooooo) and I just need to do something because I wast sleepy. So I washed clothes (manually, we dont have a washing machine. we usually brought our dirty laundry every weekend and added a few ringgit to Ma's water and electricity bill) in the middle of the night just to keep my mind busy. Slept at 2.30 and woke-up at 7 this morning. Bersiap seperti lipas kudung..hahahaha
Anyway, I may have taken this waaaaaaaaay too hard on myself. Alright, maybe I am.. I have been thinking about seeking advices (or maybe treatment, just hope not) at LPPKN. My sister used to work there and she said young couples went there as early as a year of baby-less, like us. There's no point of procrastinating and keep myself wondering, isnt it?
And I have to accept the fact that this is the best for both of us for the time being and Allah may have His plans on us. Or maybe, He knows I'm not ready to be a mother just yet..
The hardest part to accept is, it has been a year already and it's time to meet the doctor and knowing the truth.. That aint easy and not all can understand....
p/s: Tolong jangan komen, relax ar Yaya, baru setahuuuuunnnnnnnn... Hahahahaha, taknak dengar tu dah ok :p
hi dear....
ReplyDeleteu r not the only one who is facing this prob...tell u the truth i pon envy jugak to those yang can get pregnant at early of their marriage life...tapi i selalu fikir, i ada ramai kawan yang dah kawen awal dari i yang belum ada anak lagi...so, jangan fikir sgt sbb it will come when u don't expect it to come. Kalo u selalu sgt fikir, and it doesn't come u akan stress. Kalau stress pon tak elok jugak kan??....so, just enjoy your life. Because later u will know kenapa u lambat dapat.Serius!...k??....chill ek?!
aku takde pulak nak cakap "relax la yaya etc2.." tu. yang aku heran apesal makcik2 mulut kepoh nak tanya time raya2. bukan ke time raya2 tu baru je mintak maaf etc?
ReplyDeleteheran sungguh dengan mereka yg bermulut puaka tu. kalo diorg tu takde anak, tau pulak nak senyap. sorry, aku pun emo ni. ramai kwn2 aku yg dah kawin belum ada rezeki lg.
best friend aku dah 2 tahun kawin. siap pegi berurut lg. anyway, time ni la nak manja lebih2 dgn wan. wahahaha~ kang ada anak, tak terlayan pulak si wan. apetah lg nak layan gossip girl sambil makan pizza. (dalam pantang takleh makan pizza hehehe)
Thanx gurls :)
ReplyDeleteAnyway, kenapa ramai sangat pasangan muda yang takde anak ni? Adakah betul c*ca-c*la tu merencat sistem produksi manusia?? Tapi dah 15tahun aku tak minum c*ca-c*la..
sebab org muda ni keje dalam keadaan stress tahap tertinggi. percayala. setakat ni ko ada minum ubat2 or herba2 yg dikatakan boleh meningkatkan keseburuan tak? boleh jugak try pegi berurut. yela tima D*PA kan kita asyik kena gasak2 dgn org. who knows? kita berusaha je :)
ReplyDeleteniha: biasa la niha....makcik makcik kepoh mmg macam tu...kalo tak kawen, sebok tanya bila nak kawen. bila dah kawen sebok tanya bila nak ada anak. bila dah ada anak sebok tanya bila nak tambah anak pulak....PEOPLE....
ReplyDeletememang 'prihatin' terlebih'...
jadi org org mcm ni just ignore jer...
eh, typo. *kesuburan* patutnya. hehehe~
ReplyDeleteyaya, my two cents.
ReplyDeletemaybe you should stop... being sad about not having one. put yourself in a different perspective and embrace life as the way it is.
so when you think in that direction, perhaps He would then grant you of whatever that you desire.
Mala: Thanx.. I know I should stop feeling sad. Most of the time I'm capable of ignoring it but there will be a few times, just a few times I couldn't stop myself from feeling dissapointed.. But I just hate to admit that it has been a year now and we need to see the doctor to know whether there's something wrong with me or him. That's the most difficult part to swallow..
ReplyDeletesoalan2 tu wat tak tau suda :D
ReplyDeletebiasalah boleh tutup mulut tempayan yang sebesar2 tidak tu tapi mulut org mmg payah sket.
kalau makcik tu tanya ...
hang balas jerk... doakanlah ya :D
anak ni rezeki :D
bila tiba masanya dia adalah. perancangan Allah lagi baik dari kita punya kehendak :D
Kalau makcik2 extra peramah tanya, aku cakap "esok saya mengandung"..hehehe
ReplyDeleteaku setuju dengan ko yaya! tp
ReplyDeletekalo aku la kan... "sekarang jugak saye mengandung!!!" :P
im totally u/stood ur cond...saper yg kawen xmau baby?sadly hv to hear tat soklan cepu emas from sanak sedara (event our parent pon x sibuk2).xpyh tgu setahun.last yr when raye comes,aku dh kene soklan tu (br 4 bln kawen ms tu).nk pulak aku kawin agak lmbt, so they might think, 'itulah,kawin lmbt,nk dpt baby pon ssh'.yerla, anak deme mostly bunting pelamin. aku buat bodo jer. bkn diaorg pon sara idup kita diaorg nk kecoh2. sibuk jer. dalam pd tu, aku sentiasa panjatkan doa murahkan rezki kami suami istri.dalam pd tu, pg gak jumpa tok bidan kg slps doc ckp kami normal.alhamdulillah, x smpai 2 bln pastu im conceive.
ReplyDeleteyaya, mmgbyk sbb psgn muda esp berkerjaya hard to hv a baby.mcm2 faktor ada,stress, terlalu memikir...akibatnya, ganggu kitaran hormon.jgn putus asa, sll doa tau. insyaallah, that time will comes.