Despair..

Being told that what my unit does has no significant values broke my hearts to millions pieces. I cried for I don't know how many times.

Not long after that, a subordinate came and told me to be strong. Even how bad we're treated, they will give me the best performance because of me. Alhamdulillah.. Those words cured my heart immediately..

I will be strong, for them and our work MATTERS.....

Blessed

Husband made me breakfast this morning.

It was 3 slices of wholemeal bread with peanut butter + cheese + chocolate + garlic spread.

How's the taste?

Errr, speechless!

But I ate it anyway because I was really, really hungry.

Throwing food is bad, people!

******

A friend of ours once asked us a question, which place(s) in this whole world do I want to visit other than the holy city of mekah and madinah?

It was a really simple question. Some can give a handful of answers within minutes unfortunately, I can't give any. Big L stamped on my forehead.

It's not that I've never given any thought about it. I used to dream but I've forgotten when was the last time I dreamed about going to these beautiful places across the world.

Airasia's newsletter are deleted without even bothering to read it. I have planned my whole 2012 budget. How much savings and money spent are analysed. Is it just me or everyone who's married has their priorities sorted out differently compares to the singles? Or I'm turning into that makcik who loves asset and money more than wanting to enjoy it because she fears that if anything were to happen to this country, she still has a piece of land that she can claim as hers.

I'm not in denial. Everyone leads their lives differently and it doesn't matter where I go, as long as I have my loved ones with me, it'll be a wonderful visit.

p/s: I love reading about my friends' traveling stories :)

30 months and counting

Alhamdulillah, our marriage reached 30 months old yesterday.

It has been that old. 2 and a half years.

A friend of mine who got married 1 week after us is now a mother of 2 beautiful kids.

We were watching Gemersik Kalbu (yeah, we don't have astro so this is my entertainment ;) and during the commercial break.

Me: Why doesn't God bless us with a child yet?
Husband: He wants us to move in to our house first. If you're pregnant, then I have to do all the cleaning, that's not fair, right, right?
Me: pffftttt.. Maybe God knows we're not ready to be parents? Tell me, you're not ready to be a dad, are you?
Husband: I'm ready when it's time to be.
Me: Maybe I'm the one whose not ready?

Then I told him my feelings when my period was late for 4 days last month, how I was feeling nervous thinking about labour pain even before anything was confirmed. Crazy. (Blame it on my tuition biology teacher who showed us a video of how Cesarean was performed, I was merely 18!!!)

He just laughed at it as if I was telling a silly joke.

Honestly, I don't think about it too much anymore. People are blessed with so many great things in life. Not having kids doesn't mean that my life is incomplete. I still keep that long text from kuntum when I miscarried last year.

And Ma always said, be happy with what you own and don't be stressed out on things you didn't have.

Anyway, to Niha and Rezal, Congratulations and may she grows up to be a good muslimah :)

Mean...

The public can be so mean.

Yeah, jkm’s fb made a mistake. (You guys can google it. It was circulated all over the net and fb.) But it doesn’t mean people can ridicule us to that extend.

Oh, my.

I spent almost an hour going through those comments and man their words are harsh, uneducated, emotional and very uncivilised.

Some called us stupid and we should not work in the office but in the kandang taking care of the cow instead. Others even went deeper commenting how stupid government officers are. Ah, I bet most of them don’t even memorise the Rukun Negara or the Negaraku song and they have the urge to comment about patriotism?? My a**.

Sad though.

Why can’t they comment nicely?!! Civilised people don’t bash like that. I just felt like putting their heads in the microwave and let them explode. (oh, I watched The Last House on The Left yesterday and the ending is awesome ;)

However, a few gave very nice words, trying to sooth the angry community. I felt like hugging them. You guys make me believe that there are still good rational people out there.

At that point of time, I wish we were back during the time where the fastest way the news can be reached is by using the telegram.

Eat Work, Sleep Work...

I have nothing interesting to blog about.

Life isn't easy. No one says it is. But it is up to us to make it wonderful.

I got scolded really, really bad by my superior last Tuesday and ended up crying when husband asked me why on the phone. I was sad and disappointed because of what she said which I think is ridiculous. I was and still am frustrated to be treated this way, so low as if what I did all these while meant nothing to her. Little did she knew I even bought a new laptop so that I can continue doing my work at home.

*sigh*

Above all that, I don't regret a bit when I agreed to be transferred out. Dealing with this hardship thought me a lot about life, people and work. It matures me.

The good thing about doing HR is that, you get updated about everything first hand. And the latest, I learned how us, the p*d are given marks to get promoted. I can conclude that, the variety job scope you did, more points you'll get. Working at the same place doing the same thing too long won't make you a Subject Matter Expert either.

So plan well friends.

Anyway, those interested to work at Education Malaysia overseas can apply with MOHE. I want husband to apply and if he got it, I'll take unpaid leave to be with him. Kawan-kawan, apa lagi?

I'm really suck at giving titles for entries.

Anyway, I never thought myself as being a workaholic. Never....

Until my laptop died on me yesterday. It just went blank while we were watching movie on the laptop.

And I was really, really disturbed for the rest of the day.

I was so upset because at that point of time I was thinking that I can't bring work home anymore. Crazy because money only came second (whether to fix it or just buy a new one and oh I just changed the screen 2 months ago.. zzzzzzzz )

It has served me good for almost 4 years.

Maybe it's a good thing for the time being. At the moment, I can stop bringing those files back and enjoy my hours at home.

Just temporarily..

I definitely need to have a laptop at home.. must have.... 10 hours at work is just too short of time.. Ok, I should stop now. I sounded cocky.. pffffttttttt

putrajaya-kl-putrajaya

my 8 months working experience in kl was indeed a marvellous journey that I will never forget.

I am now back in Putrajaya.

From 4th floor at my previous workplace to 23rd floor and now I'm on the 16th. 2 days ago, there was this announcement saying there's an emergency and everyone had to leave the building immediately, I couldn't help wishing for a parachute. I think I should consider having one? Does anyone know where to buy it? heh

I realised I didn't take any picture of my cubicle in kl. But I snapped some on my last day which was on the 16th December 2011.


My office has these 2 huge pillars that reminded me of the chinese temple.

That's my cubicle.

I filtered all those documents left for me by the previous officer and only brought these to the new building:

only 6 boxes

view from the 23rd floor of Menara Tun Ismail Mohamed Ali, Jalan Raja Laut

thumbed-out on the last day

And oh, I'm surely going to miss walking down Bandar Tasik Selatan station at night ;)

Terminal Bersepadu Selatan during the the night

ERL Stesen Bandar Tasik Selatan

On 19th December 2011, I'm officially back in Putrajaya. The new office building is in Presint 4. The nearest one to picc.

I love working in kl because of it's surroundings which are more exciting but Putrajaya is only 10 minutes from home. We can't get everything right?

So, here's my new workstation. I share a room with another male colleague. So far, I just hate his collection of songs. Last week, my eardrums suffered hearing to macarena and Asyik song.



This is the beautiful view from my room. When the heart is sinking, I just look up at the sky or the lake and it soothes me.



I love my new office and I surely gonna miss the hectic life of kl and sogo and jalan tar. urgh...

And I'm so glad I moved to a different department and get the chance to venture a new job scope plus, I get to know more people. Alhamdulillah.

What's life without its ups and down?

toodles.

p/s: I'll give myself 2 years here then I want out to learn other jobscope. hehe

12 months later

Oh my, I suddenly realised that I actually own a blog.

By the way, Happy New Year!!

2012.

Remember this post?

2011 was a good year for me.

~We bought our very first house together. Planned so much for the house and we can't wait to live in it. We saved every little penny just for the house. I may be using a very old handphone which couldn't even support whatsapp but I'm just glad I saved quite a sum because in the end, it's all worth it. alhamdulillah..

~I got pregnant, and lost it. Yeah, it's still sad when I thought about it. If it is still here, I'm due in 2 weeks time. Unfortunately, the tummy is big because of a huge chunk of fat instead of a baby growing in it. heh. Anyway, everything happens for reason. And the reason is, sbpa happened. You can't imagine I'm being pregnant had to deal with all the pressure at work and how we worked like crazy plus that crazy shrieking voice of, ehem (and now, it's postponed!!).

~Shed a few kgs, but I don't look any thinner.. -________________-
Maybe the weighing scale is broken because I don't know what I shed where I shed. At times like this, I wish I were back in moh where I can scale my weight and the fats in my body every Wednesday with that tanita scale.
Wait until I'm done renovating my house, I'm going to have my very own tanita at home. yeah..

~I think I have to accept the fact that I'm one of those people who suffers from acne for the rest of her life. *sigh* and it's getting worst. Can I blame the stressed?

And what's for 2012??

hmmm...

Death is the closest thing to us.

Everytime I hug my mom when I'm going back to putrajaya every weekend, I'll hug her tightly because I fear that it will be the last time I see her.

Everytime I send my husband to the door when he's going out or before we go to sleep, I'll ask for his forgiveness and I'll do the same as I did to mom.

We'll never know when death will come to take us. Old or young.

I just lost a friend just now. A very sweet friend and she's only 29. A wife to a friend of mine too. They have only been married for a year. She had complications during delivery, she fought for almost a day but Allah loves her more. I hope the baby survives and may Allah gives her husband the courage to survive all this.

Al-fatihah for my dear sweet noria idris.

You'll be missed.. DPA 1/2008 just lost a very good friend :'(

Down and under

This year's December is definitely not a good month for me.

I got scolded badly yesterday by the big boss for something I'm not responsible of; that particular department kept on asking information while given too short of a notice to complete it whereby they knew damn well that all these things earlier when the new system was drafted (ingat staf kami 5 orang je seluruh negara?? beribu tahu tak.), I missed my 7.05 erl because my monthly pass buat hal.

While waiting for the train, my mind was racing thinking about the meeting at 9am. She left me nothing but he wanted answers and I'm the only officer representing my unit. The pressure was too hard to handle at the moment, so I broke down and cried at the station. If she still thinks my work is ringan, I'm gonna confront her next week. If she doesn't like me here, I will dare her to sent me to Kementerian and let's see how she'll manage.

I thought of not going to work today. Wanted to divert the destination to Putra Gombak and go back to mom's place. However, on second thoughts, I'm not a quitter. I'm not that weak. I'll fight back and will try to do my best with my team to complete everything accordingly without anyone to rely on at the office. Allah will always be with me. Always..

It's 12.30 noon and it's a Friday. Back to work...

Reminiscing

What I did last Saturday and Sunday was actually a mixture of reminiscing this and this..

Oh yes. We (husband and I) were among the facilitators for the M41 P@C at INTIM. Turned down 2 favours before but we couldn't say no on the 3rd time, for the sake of the experience and friendship (and the money ;)

Off we went to Kemaman on late Friday afternoon and arrived at 9.00pm sharp for the briefing.

I have not been there since PTD Unggul. February 2012 will mark the 5th year. How time flies.

Upon arriving at the Blok Eksekutif's Lobby, there was this flash of every moment of what I've been through in year 2007. Syahdu beb..

The Dewan Samudera which is the main hall, Dewan Bahtera which is the dining hall, Blok Warisan, Blok Akademik, Blok Pentadbiran, the corridor between Blok Eksekutif and Blok Pentadbiran where I always came across this tall, skinny guy who's forever on the phone; everything still looks the same. Except for me who has gained 12kg and I'm married to that tall, skinny guy.. heh

Spent the 2 nights at room 4001. A big spacious room with 2 single beds located at the end of the block.

On Saturday, we started our roll as the facilitators. And guess which panel I was assigned to? It was Tuan @li!!!!!! Hahaha..

He was my sidang's PPK during DPA but I never had the chance to get to know him and now I have. He's one cool panel and a fun person to chat with. He's damn friendly. The Tuan @li I never knew.

Of course, he noticed dear husband and commented that husband is more kurus than when he was in DPA. He is notttttttt.. Please look at his tummy.. hehehehe

The P@C was done in 2 days and 1 night which consist of these activities:
1. Kajian kes
2. Case Study
3. Penyelesaian masalah
4. Problem Solving
5. 2.4km run
6. Public Speaking

I remember during my P@C, candidates were at the range of those born in 1982 to 1984. Everyone looked so young and immature. But for this session, it was a mixture of all ages even as old as 38 years old and the youngest are born in 1989.

Anyway, apart from how they perform, I noticed some of them wore very worn out shoes and clothes. Sayu... I couldn't help feeling, erm, it's hard to put it to words. Most of them were so eager and trying their best to compete and to gain a post, even when they had to wear faded shoes that looked grey instead of black, over-sized shirt, pants that was not even a pair of slacks and a very worn out belt, they don't look ashamed. I felt pity at first then proud and kagum at the same time.

And these people were very humble with their words and actions whereas those who were very confident and cocky are mostly from a better family background. Such a big difference.

Before they released us, there was this score review session with all panels and facilitators. We reviewed those who pass (the score and the image of the candidates) This actually made us think of us during our time.

Suraya binti xxxxxx age xx
Graduated from UKM in Food Science and Nutrition with CGPA X.XX
Currently unemployed.
(displaying image from the next screen and panels commented)

Kamarul Redzuan bin xxxx age xx
Graduated from UKM in xxxxxxxx with CGPA X.XX
Currently working at xxxxxxxx
(displaying image from the next screen and panels commented)

Hehehehe

To those in the same scheme, we were given the chance and were selected among thousands of candidates through out the country. The panels must have seen something in us during that time, they put high hope that we'll be a good officer, therefore don't let them down and work our very best till the end of our service..

Wordless Wednesday #1

Adoption

A very controversial title for a ttc blog owner like me. heh

No, I'm not adopting a child.

I was doing my monthly budget for next year just now and discovered that I'll have extra $ when the office move to Putrajaya (no more expenses for transportation). Yay.

Read the WWF Newsletter and decided to..........

....adopt a panda.

Awww, those cute eyes.

It's actually a symbolic adoption in support of WWF-Malaysia conservation efforts to save endangered species and habitats.

Interested? Click here. You can choose either tiger, panda, turtle or orang utan :)

The claim

To those interested to seek treatment at LPPKN and want to know how much it cost, you should get ready around this amount.


We didn't do IUI because I only had 1 potential ovum after a series of gonal-f so we did timed intercourse.

Bare in mind that you can claim for primary infertility treatments only . It means, it is for those who had never been pregnant before (IVF and seangkatan dengannya not included).

So, for me who HAD once and lost it, we have to bare the cost ourselves for the treatments ahead and it isn't cheap you see.

Giving it a rest

I haven't talked much about my ttc story, have I?

there isnt't much to talk about. I have stopped visiting lppkn for the moment eventhough I can see lppkn's building from my office's window.

Husband told me to continue after my office move to Putrajaya because he knows his wife will never walk gracefully when she has to take 2 different transports to work. There'll be time when she's late and has to run to catch the train. His wife is like that.

Anyway, I already submitted my claim, my one and only claim to my office. The process is very simple.

You fill in the form as mentioned in Pekeliling Perkhidmatan Bil. 21 tahun 2009.

Paste all your receipt on the A4 paper and submit the form+receipt to lppkn.

Later, lppkn will give you a call to collect your form along with cover letter from lppkn.

My finance dept query my form asking me to complete part V and they said, I should seek treatment at the govt hospital first and can only go to lppkn if I was referred there. I was pissed. Part V is actually for those referred to private clinic/hospital and was given medication not provided in the govt hospital.

Lppkn is not a private clinic. It's stated there in the GO that civil servants can seek primary infertility treatment either in govt hospital or lppkn.

So, I gave JP@ a call to confirm that I am right because finance won't believe my explanation. He kept on comparing my claim with those claiming for hemodialysis treatment.

And I am right all along.

The difference between lppkn and govt hospital is that, govt hospitals accept GL. So, you don't have to cough out your own money whereas at lppkn, it's faster but you have to pay first and claim later. You can do as many IUI as you want and claim back your money as long as you are never pregnant before.

So, if any of you face the same problem as I am, you can say confidently that Part V is irrelevant or you can ask them to contact JP@ Bahagian Saraan. I talked to puan Shim@ yesterday.

I'll be moving back to Putrajaya in mid December. Owh, I can't wait. I miss having lunch with husband. However, I'm going to miss a lot of things that Putrajaya doesn't have, especially Sogo... :(

Speechless

We had our dinner at Kenny R last night. As a former nutrition student, I should be ashamed to step in the fast-food outlet too often. So, we opted for something a bit 'healthy'.. hehe

Husband was hungry I think because his food finished in a blink of an eye. Ok, exaggerating. But he did eat very fast.

Well, I was savouring my food and ate slowly, graceful woman in the making y'all. We talked and gossiping during dinner.

Then came this couple. Husband noticed the guy was carrying a tab, an iP@d maybe. They sat at their table and both of them attended to their gadget, not talking to each other. The lady with her galaxy and the guy with his iP@d.

Then their food came.

The guy put his tab on his right and started eating. Still not talking to his friend/spouse in front of him. And can you believe, that the guy was actually still concentrating on the iP@d, tapping on the screen while chewing his food.

Maybe they were in the middle of a cold war, giving each other a silent treatment. But if they didn't, then it's just sad to see a couple or a pair of friends not talking but so engrossed with their gadgets instead of spending time enjoying each others company.

And it wasn't appropriate of us to do what we did but we couldn't help it. heheh

A place called home

I never really talk much about our first house we live together, am I?

We moved-in on February 1st 2010. It's a spacious apartment / quarters on the fourth floor located in Putrajaya.

I love it there. We love it there.

It is so spacious and several times we played badminton in the house.

It has very little furniture.

We only bought the basic things so that we don't have bring a lot to our own house. A 3-seater sofa, a small japanese table and a tv set for the living room, a queen bed for the our bedroom and a washing machine which recently reached it's 3-month old. We use mom's old fridge and I brought along my single bed which I have been using since I was 7.

That is all.

This house is more like a rumah persinggahan. We sleep, change, eat and watch tv during weekdays and leave it empty during weekends.

We received not so many / (none most of the time) guests.

InsyaAllah, we will be moving to our own house early next year (yay) but I was feeling a lil bit sad to leave our very first place we called home. I was thinking about this on my way to the office this morning.

Every weekend, we moved my stuff from my mom's place to our quarters so that when the time come to move, everything is from this house only.

Moving my stuff actually takes longer than I thought.

I was nagging husband about how banyak his stuff was last year not knowing that my stuff is lagi banyak banyak from his.

I never new I had that much stuff and clothes...... Thanks to mom who always sewed the clothes slightly bigger and insist me to wear lose clothes therefore I never outgrow eventhough I've gained kgs for the past years. I can still wear most of them.

I was sorting the clothes when husband suddenly stared at them and said, "I wonder how big the wardrobe will it be to fit all the these clothes of yours"


hahaha

down

I miss the sun..

I go to work before the sun rises and leave the office after the sun sets. Reaching home around 9 and sometimes I dozed off wearing my working attire. Teruk, I know. But I'm just too tired when I reached home.

Working in a department which our scheme is the minority is quite tough. The management staff are very limited but had to cater for 6400++ staff through out malaysia regarding their services in the govt.

Eversince I transferred here, there were only a few times I managed to reach home at 7 and ate homecooked food.

So, to those who said “we” get back on time can eat my smelly foot.



Well anyway, I’m glad that I’m stress about all these because it means, I have income generated every month.

Train..

Taking the public transport is never boring.

Yesterday, I got to meet the lady with moustache and beard.

2 days ago, I eavesdropped a very interesting conversation about Malaysia's politics. I like eavesdropping.

Last week, there was this guy who couldn't stand still. He kept moving around. I think he's a bit not right up there. He had his lighter in his hand and kept on clicking the lighter at people's hand. Oh yes, the writer was one of the victims. He talked to himself all the way in the train. Scary because I was just a few feet away from him.

Sometimes, I got to meet couples who couldn't care less caressing each other in front of other passengers.

And everyday, I'll meet the usual people. We are a bunch of people who took the same gerabak at the usual time everyday.

I still have difficulties to differentiate between the obese and the pregnant lady. Asking the "Are you pregnant" question is like a time bomb. She may be just fat but I assumed she's pregnant and wanted to give her my seat. I'm always in a dilemma.

For the first time in my life, I'm glad that my own tummy is like I'm in trimester 1 going to 2. Whenever I can't decide whether she's pregnant or not, I just leaned back on my seat and put my hand on my tummy like those pregnant mothers always do.

I'm superbad....

Quality time

The brain is like a machine. It'll get rusty when we don't use it.

In one of the JDramas I watched, this character (a lawyer cum teacher) teaches his students to be inquisitive. Always ask the question WHY on everything they saw because everything that is made and done have their reasons. Question yourself and find the answer, you'll gain more knowledge as you go.

I always like numbers and calculation. (But I loathe calculus ;). IF you observe around you, you'll find numbers everywhere. I walk by the roadside and always keep my mind moving by summing up the 4 digits plate number.

Anyway, the colleagues and I had a conversation about office scandal and why it happened among married couples. And we concluded that some of them spent too much time outside instead of with their spouse.

So, I was calculating the hours I spent with husband in a week while standing in the train. Then I was distracted by this woman sitting in front of me. She has moustache and beard!! I have seen women with moustache in the tv but never in my real life, just a foot away. So, I couldn't help myself looking at her. Who's the weirdo here?

Coming back to my calculation.

I minus the sleeping time and calculated, we actually see each other at the average of 2 hours a day during weekdays!!! During weekends, we religiously spent time at the parents' house so weekends are more like the parents' time.

From now on, I want to work like a machine (not that I wasn't before, hehe), a super power machine so that I get to meet my sweet husband earlier than 8pm..

seriously, only 2 hours a day??!!!!! haish