It's not all about you..

What did I do wrong?

Since his mom is not feeling well, I said it's not proper for him to spend the whole day with me and he should concentrate more on his mom when he's back in KL..

I said things are not the same now and he should think about what his family will think of me if he still wants to go out with me while his mom is sick in the hospital..

I don't think it's appropriate to date, laugh and have a good time while she's sick in the hospital..

I'm affected too but I try not to have this thing get me.. We can still meet but maybe for just an hour or two.. I don't mind because that is good enough for me..

But I'm the one getting the silent treatment..
I've spoiled his day..

I'm sorry.
but it's not all about you..
What about my feeling? My thoughts?
Have you ever think about how I feel when this happens and how much I tried my best to cheer you up when you are feeling down?

*sigh*

Shedding tears is what I do best now..
Oh I don't mind, I have a big full tank of tears to shed..

Unexpected encounter..

I went for my parliament duty yesterday..
I met my fellow PTD mate, Ryo there unexpectedly..
This guy smsed me yesterday morning saying a friend I know is going to the parliament too.. And I never thought 'a friend I know'
tu is him.. it's nice to meet a friend other than your usual circle
of friends you meet everyday.. (no offense guys ;)

He's a nice guy..A chatty one..
If I have a younger sister,
I would lurve to recommend my sister to him.. *laugh*
If u r reading this ;)
And be nice to me, or else... Ehehehe..

I think I should go out more often and spend more time with my friends on weekends or find a new hobby like collecting stamps (haha) or something to occupy my free time,cheer my mood and not to think about IT too much..

To Aqish, Lin and Balkis, thanx for being so supportive..
Love u gurls so much..

Death..

What is it about death that people fear so much?
Of course death itself is a word people wouldn't dare to say it so many times..
Muslims believe that death was fated from the day we were born..

It is all fated from the beginning.
(I guess most of us watch Final Destination)
We believe in afterlife where every good and bad thing we did are measured equally. We were thought to always be prepared for death..

What I fear most is dying alone because of an unexpected death.
(Of course I fear that I'm not fully prepared to face death and
the life after that) I fear I'm not able to tell my loved ones how much I love them one last time, or give them the last hug..

Sis said I'm the most patient one in the family..
(If u say so ;)
I guess, I never get mad easily.. because whenever I feel like getting angry with the one I love, I'll start thinking, what if this is the last time
I'll be speaking to him/her and the last word that came out of my mouth is
something that hurt her feeling badly. Then my anger will subside automatically..

Dr.House once said in one of the episodes, (I write it with my own words),
comparing a sudden death or getting a fatal illness like final stage cancer,
fatal illness wouldn't be that bad.. At least, your last bit of your life are spent with your loved ones.. If you suddenly died because of an unexpected death, everyone around you will live a life full of regrets..
I couldn't agree more..
(but I'm not saying getting cancer is ok. Nauzubillah)

He told me last night his mother is diagnosed with lungl cancer stage 3.. Doctors are hoping that her body still response to medication
and chemo is the last resort..

I cried when I 1st heard this from him.. I know how much his mom means to him,
and knowing that she has so little time to live.. He has to be strong and so am I therefore I can keep on giving moral support to him, and stand by his side whenever he needs me..

Getting neglected is await and I know this is not the time to be selfish..
I am no longer one of his top priorities because his mother is the only priority..
I can understand that but I hope I'm strong enough..

I pray I have the will to keep US going..

Blues clues...

Ever felt so down for no reason and you just feel like bursting to tears?
I guess, it's the hormone doing it's part..

Due to heavy rain yesterday afternoon, I took the opportunity to take a nap..
Which I ended up having a bad dream about losing my loved ones all at one go.. I woke up crying and continued on crying..
(Tu lar, tido after asar lagi)

I kept on having that unhappy feeling inside me..
At 8pm, He still hadn't arrived in KT..
I missed him badly the whole day..
His mom wasn't feeling that well yesterday and he didn't feel like going back to KT actually.. So he wasn't in a cheery mood either..

As soon as he arrived, I told him how I felt after I had that dream..I hoped to get consoled but I ended up being scolded.. He said I'm adding more sadness to him..
Really I didn't mean it......
(Maybe he wasn't scolding me and I did make he more sad, but being in that kind of mood, his words were like pouring salt on an open wound, my mood went way down)

Lepas 'kene marah' and no 'I miss u' in return, dah takde mood dah nak bersms..
Feeling blue, my tears continued on falling..
@12am, I was still crying for I didn't know the reason why I was feeling so sad..
The tears kept on falling until I felt asleep..

Waking up, my eyes all puffy.. Dah la sepet, bertambah sepet..

The mood still hasn't changed..
And for the 1st time, I'm so glad it's Monday..
I can get away with all this weird feeling I'm having inside..

To my dear endocrine system, please get back to normal..
I am not used to having all this sad mood..

The Officers I work with

Siapa boleh teka which one is my boss?? Hahahahahaha

Staying in or going out?

July is a busy month for me.. And I'll be out of the office most of the day..

I'll be attending my 1st course in Kuantan from 1st to 5th july..
Something to do with Modified Budget System.. (????)
We (Lin and I) the lower grade officer were asked to attend the course because the bosses arent interested to go.. When we checked through other participants' names,we are the only 'org kecik' attending the course without our bosses..
Dah la baru 4bulan dlm service, kene pegi kursus camni plak..
Pegi ajerla since no one wants to go anyway..
And we can't attend jamuan perpisahan SUB on the 5th tu :(

12th, Parlimen Duty (I hate, I hate)
13th, Meeting HSS kat JKN Negeri Sembilan
17-18, Roadshow SIHAT kt JB
19th, meeting JPKK
Then ade induksi Ministry which the date hasn't decided yet..
30-31, I'm taking 2days off..going on a vacation with
Akak, Abg Yie and Ma to Kuching from the 28th..

And July,dapat gaji baru..Yippee..

What a sad song..

I downloaded this song a few months back..
Only recently i really 'listen' to its lyrics..
Really a sad song..

Jika ku tak bangun esok pagi by Yusry

jika ku tak bangun esok pagi,
sayangku kau jagalah diri,
sentiasa ingatkan hati,
dirimu amat ku cintai.

andainya dihimpit kesusahan,
sujud dan mohon pada tuhan,
agar diberikan bimbingan,
meniti hidup bersendirian.

(chorus)
bila terasa sejuk,
pejamkan mata,
bayangkan dalam dakapanku,
bila terasa rindu,
pejamkan mata,
kita bersua dalam lena.

kalau ada yang sudi mengganti,
sayang lepaskanlah ku pergi,
kerana insan yang seistimewamu,
berhak untuk dicinta dalam hidup.

sayang tiada apa yang kekal di dalam dunia ini,
namun yang pasti,
walaupun ku tiada nanti,
cintaku akan kekal abadi.

ku berharap kau tak akan lupa,
mengirimkan bekalan doa,
kita jumpa lagi di sana nanti,
jika ku tak bangun esok pagi

Sedih kan?? T____T

Shopping shopping Malaysia...

I went out with Aqish today.. We went to OU, my fave shopping complex
(dekat n parking murah)
Spending time with my best friend b4 her semester starts..
We've known each other for almost 11 years now..
We went out at 1030am and retired at 230 after we realised our darling feet needed rest..

Memang penat giler.. I was looking for a black suit, itu jer..
But we went in every shop that catches our eyes with big word "SALE"..
And I did buy a black suit from Seed at 50% off..
A very good bargain..

I like shoes..
Heels particularly.. Nothing below 2inches high.. With ribbons or butterfly motives interest me..
My friends notice it too.. whenever I went into a shoe shop, and they saw shoes with big ribbons or butterfly motives, "Ni kasut fave Yaya"
Gurls, you know me too well... ;)

Doze off..

It's almost 2.45.. It's time to get back to work but my eyes suddenly cant barely open.. I didn't sleep at all last night..

The new Agong is going to visit KKM.. supposedly next month but the date was postponed again.. Nevertheless, the meeting and preparation still go on..
And my unit is supposed to prepare some information about
Hospital Support Service and I have to submit the thing by today..

Yati just received all the info + pictures from the concession company yesterday morning.. I was working my a** off trying to finished the write-up yesterday plus many other things..

By 5.30, still hadn't finished. A few staff left were packing their things ready
to go back. The weather outside was cloudy, it's going to rain for sure..

I packed my things. I had to finished the work at home tonight. esok pagi ade meeting at 830 pulak.. Arriving home at 730; bumper2bumper crawl from Sg.Besi toll
all the way to TUDM.

At 9, I was yawning like crazy..
I slept until 1, but bangun tido every half an hour checking on the time..
Takut tibe2 dah pagi and the work has not been done yet..
At 1, I started my work until a quarter to 5..
If I sleep now, I don't think I'll wake up at 530..
So I lied awake until 6, malas nak bangun sebab tibe2 ngantuk..
Seperti kebiasaan, as the clock striked 630, dah kua lagu MHI kt TV,
I was berlari2an utk bersiap..
Disebabkan adrenaline rush pagi td, ilang ngntuk xtido tu..

tapi skrg ni, memang xleh bukak mate..
I cant drive in a situation like this..
Pintu suke hati Doraemon, I need u right now..

Rose among thorns..

A friend once asked me,
"Would you go into an elevator full of men and you being the only lady?"
A simple answer to a simple question.
"No, I will not" I said.
I'll feel weird being in a small space and I being the only lady..

So, just now, I encountered the real life situation..
as the elevator door opened, and I was standing right in front of the door ready to go inside.. Damn, the lift was full of men in bj.melayu n selipar jepung..
All 7 or myb 8 pairs of eyes were looking at me stood frozen in front of the lift..
Luckily another lift opened, I walked into that lift quickly as I heard them laughing...

Phew..

I should b thankful..

Lin treated us (Naz, Una and I) for piza yesterday..
thank u so much Lin..
I really miss hang out with you guys..
Bad news from Una..
Her boss said she may be transferred somewhere else..
She was so upset..
Cheer up Una.. We are here for you whenever you need us..

Shopping....

So, the Malaysia's Mega Sale is back..
16-June till 2-Sept..

Once gaji masuk bulan ni, shopping complex akan dibanjiri oleh manusia2 yang hutang masih belom bayar, baju2 pun masih ade yang belom pakai dalam gerobok, handbag lame pun msih baru, kasut2 masih dalam kotak, tapi mereka ini masih nak datang shopping complex..
Window shopping katenye..
Yang peliknye, balik dari window shopping kononnye tu, beg2 plastik sampai tak muat 1 troli..

I can't spend on anything on this month's pay..
And damn, one of my ERL ticket's missing..! kurang rm35 claim..
Bulan ni paling byk spend sebab tukar 2biji tayar keta..
n bulan ni jugak la facial wash, lipstick n compact powder habis..
But I have nothing in particular to buy..
cume nak shopping baju n kasut raya

puasa ganti belom abih lagi, nak shopping baju raye...... Insaf la woi.. hehehe

Kene lagi..

I've been tagged lagi.. this time by zyrin..
It's an interesting one, tp kne amik mse sikit nk buat..

A long week...

The clock shows at 4.50..I guess it's ok to blog for I have nothing much to do..
It's been a long week..
With the KLOIC going on n most of my friends in the ministry are very busy with the event.. A few officers in my dept are assigned to be LO for ministers from the OIC countries and 2 are taking leave..
Lin is in Genting, Una's in T'ganu, Naz, Walter, Farah are busy with KLOIC..

After 3 months working, I begin to like my work..
Yeah, especially the auditing work..
I can feel how powerful I am n how scared they feel toward us..

Hihihi...
Tu baru kuasa sikit, hehehe..
I begin to think that my boss isn't that bad..
So grateful he's not the type yang garang n suke tengking2..
He likes to chat and I guess that bonds us together in our unit..
Unless a few other things that I think he really should improve as a boss..

I can't wait next week to come..
ntahla..
I kinda miss my friends..

Tomorrows June 15th, batik time..

I hate Parlimen duty..

I know it's 11am and I shouldn't be blogging right now..
But i just received this memo,
"Sukacita dimaklumkan bahawa Mesyuarat Kedua, Penggal Keempat, Parlimen Kesebelas akan bersidang pada 18Jun-10Julai 2007 (Dewan Rakyat) dan 11 Julai-24Julai2007 (Dewan Negara). Sehubungan itu, tuan adalah dikehendaki bertugas di Parlimen pada tarikh yang ditetapkan seperti di Lampiran 1" 12Julai2007(Khamis)-Pn.S*raya binti S*keri..

Waaa, malas nye nak pegi..!!! Nape kene pegi duty 2x ni dalam setahun!!!
Dewan Negara plak tu..

Harap2 dapat jumpe orang yang dikenali..

Terengganu

Pantai Batu Burok yang kotor dan banyak sampah..
Nak jalan without your slipers pun bahaya nanti tercucuk lidi.. teruk lar diorg ni..
Makan tak reti nak buang dalam tong sampah ker..

However, had our first beach stroll.. Ihik..
Sadly, he had to go to Tioman the next day and there was no reception there... *sulk*

A dozen of roses..

My 1st ever bouquet of roses.. Thanx =)

Double chin..

I think I'm getting fat eversince I started working..
(Oh puh-lease I heard my 3 sisters and friends saying out loud ;)
My maid said my double chin is getting so obvious..
I notice it too but I thought it was always like this..
Oh no, oh no... I keep saying to myself..

I have to get back to my diet routine again..
No rice, no oily food, lots of veges and fruits, no fatty, sweet, delicious snack in between meals, and exercise, exercise, exercise...

Sis Yanti said I obsess with my weight..
I have a BMI of 19.0..
It's an ideal weight already.. My weight hasn't increased a kg.. But I don't see myself as slim..
My thighs are fat, flabby arms and double chin.. and perut pun macam da buncit sebab kain baju kurung ketat..
argh, ni deskwork punye pasal and aircond yang terlalu sejuk..
extra generation of fat sebab 10hours terlalu sejuk di ofis..

I was once a bulimic for 3weeks..
giler kan?
So called a nutrition student I am..

maybe I should stick to granola bars, only 90cal/bar..Ehehe..

I'm sorry for the late reply.......

Have you ever experienced, when you were in the middle of an exciting sms conversation, you were teasing that someone or giving sweet remarks or making funny jokes and you were expecting a good reply but the reply you received was not only 20minutes late, but it went like this,

"I'm sorry for the late reply, the boss wanted to see me just now". or

"I'm sorry for replying late, I'm at the supermarket now doing grocery shopping." Full stop. or

"I'm sorry I reply late, I'm driving right now. crazy traffic jam. I wish my car can fly." Full stop..

The annoying part is, after that full stop, the topic discussed
before the boss wanted to see him or
before she went to the supermarket or
before he was driving, was never mentioned again.

And the excitement just died.

How much longer can I stand..

Yesterday was a disaster..
I had a flat tyre and my phone was out of battery.
It was not totally flat but punctured and it can still manage a few km to a gas station.. I changed my plan of going to the netball training that evening..

I am not familiar with Putrajaya area so looking for a gas station took almost 20mins..
Sebenarnye dalam hati tu panic sangat2 but I tried to stay calm..
Lepas tyr dah kembong kembali, I started my journey back home..

Jam, jam, jam…

Nsk elak Jln Istana, masuk Loke Yew, jam jgk..
Nak elak Jln Kinabalu, masuk Jln Raja Laut, lagi teruk jam nyer..
So I ended up arriving home 10mins before 8..
With a flat tyre..
*sigh*

Anyway, Alhamdulillah, I manage to get home without having to change the tyre by the side road.. Phew...