A second chance..

Yup, saya accident semalam. Shocking but true.
It felt just like a dream.. Macam xpercaye..

Ceritanye bermula masa driving nak pegi ofis. Tempat keramatnye slope Jalan Istana menuju Tol Sg. Besi depan TUDM tu. The rain had stopped. The road was slippery. I was on the fast lane. Suddenly,this car in front of me made an emergency brake.
Damn!! I was unable to stop the car on time and my car hit the car in front.

Habislar aku.. Panik sesangat..

I stopped my car when I saw the driver came out of his car. (Mesti kemek teruk punyer la, sebab langgar keta mahal ni.. His is a Toyota Altis)

So I went out to look at the damage I made..
(Dalam hati ,ok ke ni stop kat fastlane.. xpe kot,ade laki cina berdiri atas divider jage traffic sebab ada accident rupanya depan tu)

Fuh, lega siut sebab my plat number patah n kereta depan ni tak kemek skit pun..
I looked from the sideways, there wasn't a dent at his bumper. But this guy claim that his car boot couldn't shut properly..

So, I said..
"Kecik jer ni encik.saya bayar lah sekarang"
This guy dengan muka berlagak ni berkata
"Saya nak tunggu kawan saya datang"

Echeh, kecik camtu pun nak tunggu kawan datang. Gay ape.

Takut die nak mintak lebih, I called Papa for advice..

Baru je sempat cakap "Papa,yaya ni", ade keta laju hit my car from the back, and my car hit me..

Oh my, I was hit by own car....

I was thrown to other side of the road. I felt like flying. In the split moment I can see the sky, the birds.. Matahari baru nak naik because when it happened, it was not even 7 o'clock yet..

I thought I was going to die..

I recited the syahadah and hoping that I will be given a second chance to see my loved ones one last time.. I closed my eyes..

I hit hard on the ground. Luckily I landed on a very narrow kerb at the opposite side of the road.. (I was on the fast lane remember?)

The fussy driver kneeled beside me, asking whether I'm ok. I was half shouted and half crying saying I'm not ok. I had no shoes on. My tudung pun dah tercabut..

And I was lucky again, my phone landed safely on the kerb and Ma was still on the line. I told her, I was hit by a car, my own car. and sobbing non-stop.

She asked me to calm down and keep myself conscious.. She will come to see me as fast as possible.. I kept on crying like a kid whom lost a kitten.. I looked at my car and I cried even more.. And at the same time, I felt very sleepy..

Still crying, I checked for bruises other than on my leg and both feet..
I had no difficulty in breathing and I didn't feel nauseous.. (something I learned during the pbsm classes)

I guess, I'm ok and so damn lucky..

If I had landed on the road, I may have been dead or crippled till death..

Then this Indian guy introduced himself to me as Jay.. He's the runner for a tow-truck company..
He said I couldn't stay there, it's very dangerous. He offered to carry me to the other side of the road since I couldn't walk at all..

And he did carry me crossing 6 lanes of heavy traffic road and put me on his car bonnet..

I just sat there no longer crying..

I put on my tudung..

I smsed my colleague saying I couldn't make it to the office.

I smsed Wan saying I was hit by a car.

Then I just stared at my damaged car..

At the same lane, a few metres back, there was another accident..

Giler lah..

Ma called and said that the ambulance was on it's way. The guy driver and his gay friend just stood a few metres away from me.

I was angry at that guy. dari patah plat number je, langsung jadi accident teruk.. He came again asking if I'm ok..

I just shook my head and I wasn't even looking at him.

I insisted Jay to bring my handbag.. I need my IC to the hospital.

The ambulance came.
Seperti ayat paramedic dalam tv:
1) Does your chest feel painful?
2) Do you suffer difficulties in breathing?
3) Do you feel nauseous?
4) Can u move your arms n legs?
-->I moved my arms n legs..
He checked my BP and pulse..
last question:
Can u walk to the ambulance?

I was sent to HUKM.. Arrived at 7.30, 11 and 1/2 hours later baru dapat balik. A&E yang tersangat slow tahap siput. Kalau pergi kat outpatient pun mungkin lebih cepat..

Wound dressing pun, pukul 6 baru buat..
Sume luke dah kering pun. Pasir2 pada luka tu terpaksa ditonyoh dengan gauze untuk dihilangkan. Menjerit2 dalam hati, punyelah sakit amat sampai mengalir air mata.

I suffer from a fracture bone of my left toe..
I couldn't move my right leg. The x-ray showed no broken bones..
So it must be the muscle..
Big long bruises on my stomach and my left thigh.. (Oh,parut...)
Buat 2x ultra sound in case of internal bleeding at my uterus or kidneys.
Dpt 7hr MC..

tak dapat pegi tapisan halus hari ni..

That's my story.
Something I wont forget for the rest of my life..

Yey cuti panjang..

Hmph,It has been quite a long time since my last post..
Yeah,I've been very malas..

Well,the truth is I've been so busy with my work..
betollar..

Eversince Yati went to HR, I'm all by myself to settle up everything..
Thanx to this another officer from my unit that helps me a LOT.. My boss isn't helping at all.. Don't u know,we are the KPSU now..
hehehe..

My cuti2 raya starts on Thursday.. Papa said,we'll go back to KB on Friday..
Hmph,malas nak bertekak, balik la hari ape2 pun.. Jam pun jam lar..
I'm not the one that drives the car..

Nak cuti ni pun,rase tak sedap.. Keje banyak xsettle..
If 22nd baru msuk ofis, makin banyakla yang bertambah nanti..
Yup,I'll be taking a 6 day off.. Lame kan?

I'm the person who doesn't bring home my office problem..
Whatever happened in the office,stays there..
Tapi bile nak cuti lame ni, kadang2 rase xbest..

Cuti lagi...

I'm taking leave for 3days starting tomorrow till Monday.. I'm going back to KB attending my cousin's wedding..

I've been sick for almost 2 weeks now.. I miss my cute babyish voice *ahaks*..
Although it may not sound a bit like Siti's, I miss my old voice.. I've been having this croaky sexy one since last Thursday..

So I safely went and came back from Genting.. I brought Ma along..
The course was drop dead boring.. Law and I will never click together..
Anyway, the course was a good way introducing me to the group I'll be working with later since I never got a proper introduction to the group..

Well, the bad news is, my back mirror wiper was stollen..
geram thp dewa dewi!!
Of all the luxury cars yg dtg Genting nk berjudi sakan, wiper keta aku yang jadi mangsa..

I was even more sick when I got back home on Wednesday afternoon..
I went to KK kt umah tu but doc tu sgguh kedekut.. bagi aku cuti sehari jer..
padahal, aku datang dengan demam, suara seksi katak ni, n die siap
soh buat blood test sebab suspected denggi, sehari je cuti die bagi!!

The next day, amik EL lar..
Rest through the wiken, but still demam on Monday..
Lutut plak sakit cam aritu.. Telan Voltren lar nak ilang sakit..
Badan aku untuk bln August is sgguh toksik..
PCM 3hr sekali for almost a week, antibiotik for 5days, Voltren plak..

Since Yati is gone for almost a month,my boss pun amik cuti!!
Siap pegi kursus!!!
Sume keje dump on me..

HELP...

Suara pun xkuar bile bercakap..

Rase sgguh xsehat arini..
I'm having that time of the month n seluruh kepala rase sakit.. Nak balik!!

oh, oh, harini I lost rm50..
sedih!! tak tau cicir kat mne..
Rm50 is my meal kat ofis for a month!
punyer la berjimat cermat bulan ni sebab banyak bercuti, birthdays and weddings..
tup tap, ilang wiper n duit rm50..
geram sgguh..

ngadu kt Ma, her words always comfort me.. If she's gone, kat sape lagi la nk ngadu..
Ngadu is one thing and the words you received later is another..
ngadu je but tak dapat respon, serik dah nak cakap ape2..

Oh well, life goes on...

O'oh..

Ok, O'oh I just made my boss mad at me..
*freaking*

I was in a happy2 mood today..
He is coming back and I'll be meeting him after work..
--->sekali beli hadiah kawin Ayu+Farah since we cant attend their wedding reception..
So,kul5, dah packing baanrg and whoosh,I'll b gone..
Kan best if I can disapparate and apparate..
And I finally have the Harry Potter book with me and I plan to read it during the long lunch break..
See, happy2 mood...

The story begins when,
my boss asked me to contact this Timb Pengarah sekian2 tnye perkembangan
this one thing..Okay...
--->Nk contact Timb Pengarah pun dah kecut perut tau tadi..

Everything went fine.. Then I told my boss what this Timb Pengarah told me..
Well, it seems that there's a contradiction between what my boss
and what the Timb Pngarah said.. My boss asked me to contact that guy again and tell him his decision..
--->My boss xagree la dengan what this TP said to me just now..

*O'oh, cuak dah*

Takkan la I have to tell this TP caamtu..mcm kureng sesuwei jer..
Aku ni pegawai bawahan jer..jd messenger..
Slps berbincang dgn pegawai2 yg berpengalaman about it,
I decided to talk to my boss again and tell him nicely that it is more proper if
he inform the TP himself what he thinks about the matter..

*Bismillahhirahma nirrahim*
--->bersedia utk dimarahi..

Pang! kene marah..

Cara die ckp tu,seolah2 I'm not reliable to do this one simple work.. I'm not supposed to b the one doing it in the 1st place..

I dont mind a bit calling the TP, tapi discussion tu patut antara boss n boss, put myself in the middle as his messenger..

Susah hati lepas kuar dari bilik boss tadi.
I was right.. He's avoiding to meet the super big boss..
*sedih*

I confided at one of the PSU, die ckp he's like that..
He wants to avoid the shitty argument, therefore he asked his subordinates instead..
n die ni boss yang pendendam, die akan ingat..
*freaking lagi*

takut wey,nanti markah penilaian tahunan aku die bg ckit..

However,die dah memang marah..

What is done, is done..

What the hell..

No fun...

My super boss asked me to attend this workshop regarding Hospital Support Service in Genting on the 7th-8th August..
I'll b spending 3nights there since the workshop ends at 5pm
on the last day.. Nk drive ke?Takut la plak.. Larat ke Kenari ku yg cute tu naik genting.. Naik bas kang, payah pulak nak travel..

No fun lar pegi genting sorang2..
Sape nk ikut saya gi genting, angkat tangan??

~Yey, 30mins more to go back!! >>>sgguh xsenonoh!
~And another yey, cuti diluluskan.. ;)

Rain..

It rained heavily last night,
and so did my heart...

*sigh*

Does it always have to be this way??

Or is it I'm the one who's not ready..

Good news..

Congratulation to both PSU kontrak in cawangan pnswastaan
yang berjaya dalam temuduga.. It's time they join the service secara tetap..dua2 tu dah 3thn++ as contract PTD..
Anyway, something is bothering me..

Ehehe..
1 of the PSUs tu is in my unit..sangat2 berpengalaman.. All this while, she's the one yg buat kerja melambak2 tu..if she goes, I'll b taking over her job..

Ahahaha..
xde can la nak laid-back bile datang opis lagi..

Tapi, tapi, ade can jugak sbb they'll remain here..
Sb diorg ni batch PTD kontrak yang diberi peluang diserap masuk..
(selepas mengambil kira beberapa faktor sebelum dipanggil interview..)

Seriously, I don't mind the extra work..
If she's here, I'm shadowed by her..
takde can nak prove my capabilities..
Kesian la my immediate boss..
He'll be getting a non-experience PSU.. Ahahaha..

Die pn hrp2 she'll get posted somewhere else other than here..
Cawangan yg penuh kontroversi ni.. Ooops..!! ;)

Cuti2 Malaysia..

I just submitted my cuti rehat form to my big boss..
Please la lulus..
The problem is, on the 30th and 31st tu ade meeting..

31st meeting JPKK..
I'm going to Kuching from 28th to 31st with akak, abg Yie and ma..
Lame sgguh xcuti2.. Then, on the 4th and 5th, nak pegi Pangkor pulak..
Trip dengan Keluarga Bakti..Ma is excited to go..
I don't mind accompanying her..

Ayu is getting married on the 4th..
I thought of going but then, change of plan..
Sorry sangat2 Ayu.. Bukan gi dating, teman mak..
Sorry..

It finally comes to an end..

I haven't read HP #7 yet..
And I'm dying to know what happened in the end..
Well, Akak already told me some of the ending,who dies and who's not..
She read the spoiler at Wikipedia..

Ape daa.. ;)

I don't mind about the spoiler though.. I remember reading HP #5 and akak kept telling me the ending is very sedih.. Made me curious sesangat nak tau sape mati..
The book is thick,rse lmbt sangat nak habis and I couldnt help myself nak bace ending terus..

But I managed to stop myself from doing so..
Tapi,HP #6, Akak said, lagi sedih dari HP #5..
yg ni, mmg xleh stop..
Half way reading,tak tahan lar and I read the ending..Ehehe..
Cerita kt Naz, die pun cakap, ape la bace ending dulu..

Reason why I didn't buy the book yet,
I didn't pre-order the book because the book is much2 cheaper on the
day it releases..Jadi, nak tunggu on that day baru bli..

On Saturday, malas pulak nak bangun pagi2 gi Carrefour sebab Pian cakap,
MPH, Times and Popular boycott nak jual HP #7 sebab they are selling at RM109.90 whereas Carrefour and Tesco are selling it at RM69.90..
of course la ramai beli kt hypermarket ni..
Mama pn ajak pegi tengok Bro Wan kat K.S'gor, I postponed buying the book..
Lunch hour ni nak pegi Alamanda, nak tengok if Carrefour still has it..
Wish me luck..

~Oh,another 3 days dpt gaji baru..
yippee!!!

I hate mold..

I did my 3 day induction course at D*nasty Hotel in KL on the 15 till 17th July..
A nasty hotel..
What I learned during that 3 days is, "Hotel bathroom shouldn't have mold on it's wall"
Oh please lar!!!!
I barely spent more than 5 minutes in that disgusting bathroom..
There's a bath tub, and how I love to soak myself in the hot bath..
But not this time.. One look at the bath tub, euwww...

The room wasn't that nice either..
There were balls of hair under the dressing table, and they
were still there after 2 days of housekeeping..
The window is terribly dirty and the room smelled.. Nightmare I tell u..

But I compliment the food..
The food was delicious.. ;)

It's not all about you..

What did I do wrong?

Since his mom is not feeling well, I said it's not proper for him to spend the whole day with me and he should concentrate more on his mom when he's back in KL..

I said things are not the same now and he should think about what his family will think of me if he still wants to go out with me while his mom is sick in the hospital..

I don't think it's appropriate to date, laugh and have a good time while she's sick in the hospital..

I'm affected too but I try not to have this thing get me.. We can still meet but maybe for just an hour or two.. I don't mind because that is good enough for me..

But I'm the one getting the silent treatment..
I've spoiled his day..

I'm sorry.
but it's not all about you..
What about my feeling? My thoughts?
Have you ever think about how I feel when this happens and how much I tried my best to cheer you up when you are feeling down?

*sigh*

Shedding tears is what I do best now..
Oh I don't mind, I have a big full tank of tears to shed..

Unexpected encounter..

I went for my parliament duty yesterday..
I met my fellow PTD mate, Ryo there unexpectedly..
This guy smsed me yesterday morning saying a friend I know is going to the parliament too.. And I never thought 'a friend I know'
tu is him.. it's nice to meet a friend other than your usual circle
of friends you meet everyday.. (no offense guys ;)

He's a nice guy..A chatty one..
If I have a younger sister,
I would lurve to recommend my sister to him.. *laugh*
If u r reading this ;)
And be nice to me, or else... Ehehehe..

I think I should go out more often and spend more time with my friends on weekends or find a new hobby like collecting stamps (haha) or something to occupy my free time,cheer my mood and not to think about IT too much..

To Aqish, Lin and Balkis, thanx for being so supportive..
Love u gurls so much..

Death..

What is it about death that people fear so much?
Of course death itself is a word people wouldn't dare to say it so many times..
Muslims believe that death was fated from the day we were born..

It is all fated from the beginning.
(I guess most of us watch Final Destination)
We believe in afterlife where every good and bad thing we did are measured equally. We were thought to always be prepared for death..

What I fear most is dying alone because of an unexpected death.
(Of course I fear that I'm not fully prepared to face death and
the life after that) I fear I'm not able to tell my loved ones how much I love them one last time, or give them the last hug..

Sis said I'm the most patient one in the family..
(If u say so ;)
I guess, I never get mad easily.. because whenever I feel like getting angry with the one I love, I'll start thinking, what if this is the last time
I'll be speaking to him/her and the last word that came out of my mouth is
something that hurt her feeling badly. Then my anger will subside automatically..

Dr.House once said in one of the episodes, (I write it with my own words),
comparing a sudden death or getting a fatal illness like final stage cancer,
fatal illness wouldn't be that bad.. At least, your last bit of your life are spent with your loved ones.. If you suddenly died because of an unexpected death, everyone around you will live a life full of regrets..
I couldn't agree more..
(but I'm not saying getting cancer is ok. Nauzubillah)

He told me last night his mother is diagnosed with lungl cancer stage 3.. Doctors are hoping that her body still response to medication
and chemo is the last resort..

I cried when I 1st heard this from him.. I know how much his mom means to him,
and knowing that she has so little time to live.. He has to be strong and so am I therefore I can keep on giving moral support to him, and stand by his side whenever he needs me..

Getting neglected is await and I know this is not the time to be selfish..
I am no longer one of his top priorities because his mother is the only priority..
I can understand that but I hope I'm strong enough..

I pray I have the will to keep US going..

Blues clues...

Ever felt so down for no reason and you just feel like bursting to tears?
I guess, it's the hormone doing it's part..

Due to heavy rain yesterday afternoon, I took the opportunity to take a nap..
Which I ended up having a bad dream about losing my loved ones all at one go.. I woke up crying and continued on crying..
(Tu lar, tido after asar lagi)

I kept on having that unhappy feeling inside me..
At 8pm, He still hadn't arrived in KT..
I missed him badly the whole day..
His mom wasn't feeling that well yesterday and he didn't feel like going back to KT actually.. So he wasn't in a cheery mood either..

As soon as he arrived, I told him how I felt after I had that dream..I hoped to get consoled but I ended up being scolded.. He said I'm adding more sadness to him..
Really I didn't mean it......
(Maybe he wasn't scolding me and I did make he more sad, but being in that kind of mood, his words were like pouring salt on an open wound, my mood went way down)

Lepas 'kene marah' and no 'I miss u' in return, dah takde mood dah nak bersms..
Feeling blue, my tears continued on falling..
@12am, I was still crying for I didn't know the reason why I was feeling so sad..
The tears kept on falling until I felt asleep..

Waking up, my eyes all puffy.. Dah la sepet, bertambah sepet..

The mood still hasn't changed..
And for the 1st time, I'm so glad it's Monday..
I can get away with all this weird feeling I'm having inside..

To my dear endocrine system, please get back to normal..
I am not used to having all this sad mood..

The Officers I work with

Siapa boleh teka which one is my boss?? Hahahahahaha

Staying in or going out?

July is a busy month for me.. And I'll be out of the office most of the day..

I'll be attending my 1st course in Kuantan from 1st to 5th july..
Something to do with Modified Budget System.. (????)
We (Lin and I) the lower grade officer were asked to attend the course because the bosses arent interested to go.. When we checked through other participants' names,we are the only 'org kecik' attending the course without our bosses..
Dah la baru 4bulan dlm service, kene pegi kursus camni plak..
Pegi ajerla since no one wants to go anyway..
And we can't attend jamuan perpisahan SUB on the 5th tu :(

12th, Parlimen Duty (I hate, I hate)
13th, Meeting HSS kat JKN Negeri Sembilan
17-18, Roadshow SIHAT kt JB
19th, meeting JPKK
Then ade induksi Ministry which the date hasn't decided yet..
30-31, I'm taking 2days off..going on a vacation with
Akak, Abg Yie and Ma to Kuching from the 28th..

And July,dapat gaji baru..Yippee..

What a sad song..

I downloaded this song a few months back..
Only recently i really 'listen' to its lyrics..
Really a sad song..

Jika ku tak bangun esok pagi by Yusry

jika ku tak bangun esok pagi,
sayangku kau jagalah diri,
sentiasa ingatkan hati,
dirimu amat ku cintai.

andainya dihimpit kesusahan,
sujud dan mohon pada tuhan,
agar diberikan bimbingan,
meniti hidup bersendirian.

(chorus)
bila terasa sejuk,
pejamkan mata,
bayangkan dalam dakapanku,
bila terasa rindu,
pejamkan mata,
kita bersua dalam lena.

kalau ada yang sudi mengganti,
sayang lepaskanlah ku pergi,
kerana insan yang seistimewamu,
berhak untuk dicinta dalam hidup.

sayang tiada apa yang kekal di dalam dunia ini,
namun yang pasti,
walaupun ku tiada nanti,
cintaku akan kekal abadi.

ku berharap kau tak akan lupa,
mengirimkan bekalan doa,
kita jumpa lagi di sana nanti,
jika ku tak bangun esok pagi

Sedih kan?? T____T

Shopping shopping Malaysia...

I went out with Aqish today.. We went to OU, my fave shopping complex
(dekat n parking murah)
Spending time with my best friend b4 her semester starts..
We've known each other for almost 11 years now..
We went out at 1030am and retired at 230 after we realised our darling feet needed rest..

Memang penat giler.. I was looking for a black suit, itu jer..
But we went in every shop that catches our eyes with big word "SALE"..
And I did buy a black suit from Seed at 50% off..
A very good bargain..

I like shoes..
Heels particularly.. Nothing below 2inches high.. With ribbons or butterfly motives interest me..
My friends notice it too.. whenever I went into a shoe shop, and they saw shoes with big ribbons or butterfly motives, "Ni kasut fave Yaya"
Gurls, you know me too well... ;)

Doze off..

It's almost 2.45.. It's time to get back to work but my eyes suddenly cant barely open.. I didn't sleep at all last night..

The new Agong is going to visit KKM.. supposedly next month but the date was postponed again.. Nevertheless, the meeting and preparation still go on..
And my unit is supposed to prepare some information about
Hospital Support Service and I have to submit the thing by today..

Yati just received all the info + pictures from the concession company yesterday morning.. I was working my a** off trying to finished the write-up yesterday plus many other things..

By 5.30, still hadn't finished. A few staff left were packing their things ready
to go back. The weather outside was cloudy, it's going to rain for sure..

I packed my things. I had to finished the work at home tonight. esok pagi ade meeting at 830 pulak.. Arriving home at 730; bumper2bumper crawl from Sg.Besi toll
all the way to TUDM.

At 9, I was yawning like crazy..
I slept until 1, but bangun tido every half an hour checking on the time..
Takut tibe2 dah pagi and the work has not been done yet..
At 1, I started my work until a quarter to 5..
If I sleep now, I don't think I'll wake up at 530..
So I lied awake until 6, malas nak bangun sebab tibe2 ngantuk..
Seperti kebiasaan, as the clock striked 630, dah kua lagu MHI kt TV,
I was berlari2an utk bersiap..
Disebabkan adrenaline rush pagi td, ilang ngntuk xtido tu..

tapi skrg ni, memang xleh bukak mate..
I cant drive in a situation like this..
Pintu suke hati Doraemon, I need u right now..

Rose among thorns..

A friend once asked me,
"Would you go into an elevator full of men and you being the only lady?"
A simple answer to a simple question.
"No, I will not" I said.
I'll feel weird being in a small space and I being the only lady..

So, just now, I encountered the real life situation..
as the elevator door opened, and I was standing right in front of the door ready to go inside.. Damn, the lift was full of men in bj.melayu n selipar jepung..
All 7 or myb 8 pairs of eyes were looking at me stood frozen in front of the lift..
Luckily another lift opened, I walked into that lift quickly as I heard them laughing...

Phew..