A place called home

I never really talk much about our first house we live together, am I?

We moved-in on February 1st 2010. It's a spacious apartment / quarters on the fourth floor located in Putrajaya.

I love it there. We love it there.

It is so spacious and several times we played badminton in the house.

It has very little furniture.

We only bought the basic things so that we don't have bring a lot to our own house. A 3-seater sofa, a small japanese table and a tv set for the living room, a queen bed for the our bedroom and a washing machine which recently reached it's 3-month old. We use mom's old fridge and I brought along my single bed which I have been using since I was 7.

That is all.

This house is more like a rumah persinggahan. We sleep, change, eat and watch tv during weekdays and leave it empty during weekends.

We received not so many / (none most of the time) guests.

InsyaAllah, we will be moving to our own house early next year (yay) but I was feeling a lil bit sad to leave our very first place we called home. I was thinking about this on my way to the office this morning.

Every weekend, we moved my stuff from my mom's place to our quarters so that when the time come to move, everything is from this house only.

Moving my stuff actually takes longer than I thought.

I was nagging husband about how banyak his stuff was last year not knowing that my stuff is lagi banyak banyak from his.

I never new I had that much stuff and clothes...... Thanks to mom who always sewed the clothes slightly bigger and insist me to wear lose clothes therefore I never outgrow eventhough I've gained kgs for the past years. I can still wear most of them.

I was sorting the clothes when husband suddenly stared at them and said, "I wonder how big the wardrobe will it be to fit all the these clothes of yours"


hahaha

down

I miss the sun..

I go to work before the sun rises and leave the office after the sun sets. Reaching home around 9 and sometimes I dozed off wearing my working attire. Teruk, I know. But I'm just too tired when I reached home.

Working in a department which our scheme is the minority is quite tough. The management staff are very limited but had to cater for 6400++ staff through out malaysia regarding their services in the govt.

Eversince I transferred here, there were only a few times I managed to reach home at 7 and ate homecooked food.

So, to those who said “we” get back on time can eat my smelly foot.



Well anyway, I’m glad that I’m stress about all these because it means, I have income generated every month.

Train..

Taking the public transport is never boring.

Yesterday, I got to meet the lady with moustache and beard.

2 days ago, I eavesdropped a very interesting conversation about Malaysia's politics. I like eavesdropping.

Last week, there was this guy who couldn't stand still. He kept moving around. I think he's a bit not right up there. He had his lighter in his hand and kept on clicking the lighter at people's hand. Oh yes, the writer was one of the victims. He talked to himself all the way in the train. Scary because I was just a few feet away from him.

Sometimes, I got to meet couples who couldn't care less caressing each other in front of other passengers.

And everyday, I'll meet the usual people. We are a bunch of people who took the same gerabak at the usual time everyday.

I still have difficulties to differentiate between the obese and the pregnant lady. Asking the "Are you pregnant" question is like a time bomb. She may be just fat but I assumed she's pregnant and wanted to give her my seat. I'm always in a dilemma.

For the first time in my life, I'm glad that my own tummy is like I'm in trimester 1 going to 2. Whenever I can't decide whether she's pregnant or not, I just leaned back on my seat and put my hand on my tummy like those pregnant mothers always do.

I'm superbad....

Quality time

The brain is like a machine. It'll get rusty when we don't use it.

In one of the JDramas I watched, this character (a lawyer cum teacher) teaches his students to be inquisitive. Always ask the question WHY on everything they saw because everything that is made and done have their reasons. Question yourself and find the answer, you'll gain more knowledge as you go.

I always like numbers and calculation. (But I loathe calculus ;). IF you observe around you, you'll find numbers everywhere. I walk by the roadside and always keep my mind moving by summing up the 4 digits plate number.

Anyway, the colleagues and I had a conversation about office scandal and why it happened among married couples. And we concluded that some of them spent too much time outside instead of with their spouse.

So, I was calculating the hours I spent with husband in a week while standing in the train. Then I was distracted by this woman sitting in front of me. She has moustache and beard!! I have seen women with moustache in the tv but never in my real life, just a foot away. So, I couldn't help myself looking at her. Who's the weirdo here?

Coming back to my calculation.

I minus the sleeping time and calculated, we actually see each other at the average of 2 hours a day during weekdays!!! During weekends, we religiously spent time at the parents' house so weekends are more like the parents' time.

From now on, I want to work like a machine (not that I wasn't before, hehe), a super power machine so that I get to meet my sweet husband earlier than 8pm..

seriously, only 2 hours a day??!!!!! haish

Grandfather passed away last Thursday morning.

Read the sms sent by mom at 5.30 am. I wanted to catch the earliest flight back but I had to send a report to this particular department in Putrajaya that morning. So I took the 1.40pm flight alone. Husband had a meeting on Friday to attend to.

Arrived at LCCT at 15minutes to 1. McD penuh. Tummy was rumbling wanted to be fed. So we ate RM10 chicken rice served with overcooked beansprout. I hate beansprout but because the chicken rice is so damn expensive, I ate everything on the plate.

Saying goodbye to husband was sedih even-though the short trip was only for 3days. hahaha.

I slept the moment I was seated in the airplane and woke up when it landed.

Sis Yana fetched me at the airport and we went to Tok's house.

Tok ayah and I were never close. But when I was small, he used to bring bro Pian and I to Warta and we can choose any toy we wanted when he came to stay at our house. That was the only memory I had with him.

When I hugged Tok, she whispered "Our Tok Ayah is no longer with us".
I cried..
Her life partner of 70 years has left her forever.

So dear readers,
if you're reading this, can you sedekahkan Al-Fatihah for my grandfather.
Thank you..

Us and my grandparents during Eidulfitri 2009.

The New Broom

It's not fair to compare me with the one who has been here for 3 years. Send me back to my old place and I can give explanation from A to Z what HSS is all about.

Please stop repeating that I need to catch-up fast. I'm trying my best here.

I hate long-winded meeting. Therefore, I only speak when necessary. I find it such a waste of time repeating the same thing others have mentioned before but some people really like doing it in order for the chairman to notice him or her. Haish, giler glam lepas tu meeting pun dragging...

It's Monday and I'm bitter because I didn't have enough sleep last night. Currently addicted to Farm Frenzy. *yawn for the hundredth time*

Driving

I got my licence when I was 20 years old.

I started driving alone when I was 21. It was my final year and the thesis + lab works needed me to stay back late at the campus because I don't have my own pc or the internet. So, I was afraid to take the bus. Siapa pernah naik bas mini or bas selangor di Bandar Baru Bangi tahu siapa memenuhi bas itu lepas jam 6.

When I was not yet 23, I started working at Putrajaya. Driving back and forth from my mom's house in Selayang.

At first, I was cautious. Driving at not more that 90km/h.

Later, I started to get impatient.

I drove fast and sometimes a bit reckless.

At the age of not yet 24, I involved in an accident.

After the long mc, I drove my dad's unser to work for a month because my car was damaged dengan dahsyat. Still traumatised but had to drive the big car to work. Nangis..... susah amat nak parking..

A few months after that, I recovered from the trauma.

At this time, I hardly drove to work because I had my dpa and later car-pooled with Wan to work.

However, I find that I still drive like I used to before the accident. Fast....

Then, I accidentally stepped on the wrong pedal and I hit the pillar at the parking lot.

It has been 7 months but the image of crashing the pillar still haunts me.

I'm turning into a makcik that kept on saying "slow sikit", "e'eh, rapat sangat tu dengan kereta depan tu" when another person is driving.

and I think I'll end up having heart attack if I don't close my eyes if bro Pian is driving. Giler laju dan suka brake rapat dengan kereta depan. Semalam nyaris2 nak langgar palang smart-tag bile palang tak bukak akibat reader tak sensitif. huhu, kecut perut..

A makcik or not, I hardly drive more than 100km/h now. I value my life, those in my car with me and other cars on the road.

So don't bel ike me, dah accident baru nak menyesal. Drive safely semua :)


Note for husband:

Abg,
Ayg tak mahu bmw ataupun mercedes ataupun mana2 kereta mahal di dunia ni. ayg hanya mahu pintu suka hati untuk hadiah harijadi tahun depan.

Love,

Flattered

I found my friend, the head of class when we were in standard 2. Read his blog and saw this.. Hehehe..

I never knew.. ;)

Just the 2 of us..

Tu dia. Tema baju sama dengan warna dinding rumah pak mertua :D

Cab ride

Last night's cab ride was horrifying.

Husband had a food tasting session for his ministry's raya celebration near Berjaya KL yesterday. He went there by office car, so I couldn't tag along to go back to Putrajaya but he said he'll be able to pick me up around 8++ at Putrajaya Central and later to meet the lawyer.

However, they only started eating around 8! I left the office 15minutes after 8pm because the safety officer in charged wanted to go home early last night. Planning to take the 9.10 ERL hoping that the husband was already at Putrajaya when I arrived.

Too bad I arrived before he did. He's still in KL.

I was tired and feeling nauseous because I forgot to eat lunch. I bought a big packet of c0ttage fries and finished eating it in 5 minutes. Please rate my hunger.

It's already 9.30pm. So I decided to take the cab back home instead of waiting.

Putrajaya Central to Presint 17 cost me RM15.50. (Mahal amat) This is my 2nd time taking a cab alone but this time it was at night.

Recited doa and all before entering the cab.

Then, this cab driver took me using a different route I'm not familiar with. I was panicking. The road was very dark and sunyi. It was just us on the road.

Heart was thumping hard. Negative thoughts were pouring into my head. I can't see his name on the card to inform husband because it was very dark. I couldn't remember the car plate number either.

Seriously, my hand was already at the door handle, readied to jump out of the car like how Angie Jolie did in most of her film. Crazy I tell you.

Kept on reciting ayat qursi. And planned on what I should do if he suddenly stop the car out of nowhere. Rumbled through my huge handbag and the only dangerous weapon I could find was the kipas lipat I got at one of my friends' wedding.

And then.....

I saw the Presint 17 signboard. What a big relieve when I step out of the cab.

Tobat, won't take the cab at night ever again..

Pakcik taxi, don't you know that there's a shorter route to Presint 17. Why the hell you took the very complicated one. Haish..

Took bath and went to sleep immediately. Traumatised I tell you.. hehe

I remember in one of the series of 3R, it teaches what women should do when we take a cab alone.
1. Memorise the plate number.
2. Immediately after you get inside the cab, make a real/fake call and purposely talk loudly so that the cab driver heard everything you said. In the conversation, inform the cab driver's name, his registration number, the plate number and everything about the cab to your friend.

Those information given to your friend will hopefully alert the cab driver that if he wish to do bad things to you, he'll be the prime suspect.

Oh well, whatever it is, don't panic. Bila dah panic, you don't even remember that you are actually holding a phone. heh

The housewife

Once in a while, it's fun to be the housewife.

This usually happens when I took leave and just stayed at home while the husband was at work. I'd run the house from scrubbing the toilet, mop the whole house, wash clothes, clean the kitchen, cook, getting emotional over soap-operas, have lots of time to sleep. Obviously I find it seronok because I don't have kid(s) who'll scream for attention like every 10minutes, yet.

On Monday morning, when I am extremely lazy to go to work
"Abg, can I quit working? You go to work and provide me money, food and shelter. In Arab countries, women stay at home and solek2 for the husband je keje dia tau. Abg cepat la naik JUSA and then later I can stay at home. Working makes me fat and wrinkled because I have no time to exercise and got so stress out at work.
You want your wife to look nice and pretty kan, kan, kan?"
Husband: zzzzzzzzzzzz

What's it like to be a full-time housewife?

I'll definitely have more time to learn new recipes, sew clothes, DIY lots of things, exercise, beauty sleep... M@rtha Stew@rt, M@rtha Stew@rt.. Wow, macam best..

Will it?

But I know I can't...

(Unless we move to a kampung which it's huge karipap sedap is still 30cent a piece. (ade lagi ke?) or we won the RM100K cash contest..)

...because I won't, at the moment...

I just lurveeee to have my own money to spend and later sms-ed the husband "ooopppppssss" when I "accidentally" bought that thing he didn't approve of before. And of course, the monthly commitments..

For the time being, let's leave it this way. Save lots of money while I can. When that time comes when a mommy and not the nanny is needed at home, I'll be there. Hopefully abg is earning like RM15K per month by then.. Echeh..


Note for husband:
"Abg, let's have cat(s) when we move to our own house and named 1 of them Ali like the one you used to have when you were kid. But you have to do the poo cleaning. I'm allergic to it's smell.

Love,

The 3rd raya

This is our 3rd raya as husband and wife. As i've mentioned before, eidulfitri is never my favourite holiday. I absolutely love Ramadhan more than Syawal.

The first day of Syawal this year was celebrated at Wan's kampung in Batu Gajah. We went back on Raya's eve after helping as much as we can at my mom's house. The sisters were all at the in-laws as well, Sis Yanti is still in Australia which only left the boys to help around.

The thing I miss most about raya morning at mom's house is her ayam merah. Unlike many other states, we eat nasi on raya morning. Mom will cook nasi minyak with her yummylicious ayam merah and later we eat nasi dagang at Tok's house. Nasi impit, lemang, lontong are never our favourite raya dish. For us, those are not raya dish. Heh. We always eat after raya prayer.

Different family, different style. Wan's family eats raya dish before raya prayer n no nasi. Just lemang and nasi impit. I ate a lot of daging this raya. Amazingly, takde bengkak sana sini. Went jalan2 raya to a few relatives' houses. Real kampung houses. It was scorching hot kan? I had migraine and vomitting.

Spent 2 days at Bt. Gajah before headed off to Kota Bharu to see my parents and my tok. The last time I went back was 2 years ago. Kota Bharu has changed a lot. No more kedai runcit kecik near the bus station where we used to buy jajan during raya, stesen bas pun dah takde sampai terlajak masuk simpang lain masa nak pergi rumah tok.

A day after that, we went back to KL which took us 12 hours on the road.

Fell ill on Saturday. Pelik. Drivernya orang lain, demamnya orang lain. Continued with very high fever the next day. Habis plan nak dating2. Took bath at 12 noon and ended up shivering and vomitting. Dah takut sebab dulu kena denggi pun macam ni juga simptom dia. Slept the whole day after panadol popping and drank a lot of water. Couldn't sleep during the night, meracau and nightmares, woke up every 1/2 hour.

Alhamdulillah, the fever went down a bit yesterday and went to the clinic for blood test today. BP ok, blood result ok. But still a bit weak becausevof lack of sleep during the nights and headache masih ada. It hurts when I move my head or cough.

My mc for the past 4 months lagi banyak dari 4 tahun di tempat lama. Whether my body is getting older and weaker or taking the public transport is actually exposing me to more germs and diseases. Huhu

Oh, about the "question", I find it less annoying this year. However, I couldn't help wishing to have my own whom I can dress prettily during raya. If mine were still alive, I'm in my week 16. (I never unsubscribe the baby centre newsletter)

Anyway, i hope all of you are having a blastful Eidulfitri :)

Raya picture will be uploaded later. This year's theme sama dengan warna dinding umah mertua.. Hehe

Book and food

Mom recommended me to read this book when I told her about my pregnancy 2 months ago. Even after what happened, I still continue to read it.


This book was written in 1972. It fascinates me because the writer is a well known nutritionist and I absolutely love reading anything about food and nutrition.

It teaches how to eat properly and reasons on why we are asked to eat certain food during and before pregnancy. Best, best.. Sila bace untuk dapat bayi yang sihat :)

emotional

Think before you speak.

We get that too often but only a few who really apply it in life. Most of the time, we are just too excited, too angry or too emotional and we spoke without giving much thoughts whether what's blurted out from our mouth are pleasant or the other way round.

My friend (a ttc herself) told me about her friend who loses her baby a few weeks before due date. Before it happened, my friend was a bit pissed off with her because she talked a lot about her difficulties being pregnant. She even commented a few times how lucky my friend is still childless, able to enjoy time together with her spouse and how she will never understand what it feels like being pregnant. Those words hurt my friend a lot, she cried and that time she was emotional, angry and sad, she wish that God shows His greatness.

(Careful what you wish for dear)

Then it happened. Just a few weeks before due date. The baby just stopped breathing in the mother’s womb.

My friend isn’t overjoyed to hear that news eventhough how bad that friend treated her before. Gila kejam kalau bersuka atas kesedihan orang lain. She hopes that she never wish for bad things to happen to her friend.

Being pregnant and giving birth to a healthy baby are miracles that happen every minute. If you remember science or biology subject (or those who went through multiple times of IUIs and IVFs), you knew how susah nak berjaya. Just because it happens to many of us (and those minah rempit with just a one night stand), people don’t see it as a miracle anymore (unless to the TTC’s).

Praise to God always for His gift.

Talking about being emotional, we tend to curse people and couldn’t help wishing for bad things to happen to them when we are angry (with them).

An ustaz once told us, orang yang beriman akan mendoakan agar dia berubah instead of berharap dia mati accident dengan dahsyat, otak terburai. Ape yang kita harap tu suatu doa, kalau ramai harap macam tu, termakbul la kot dengan izin Allah. Dia mati, isteri jadi balu, anak takda mak/ayah, takde sumber pendapatan, gejala sosial... Tapi kalau kita doa dia berubah jadi baik, termakbul pula, banyak faedahnya..

Tapi tu lah, kita manusia selalu ikut nafsu dan perasaan bila marah kan?

Anyway, if I’m still not yet pregnant next month, I’ll proceed with the fertility treatment. Had a chat with one of the nurses when I dropped by to pick up my claim letter and told her I miscarried. She asked me to start treatment straight away after puasa. Dia cakap saya ni jenis yang cepat lekat, sekali buat walaupun tak berlaku bulan tu, lekat bulan selepas tu. Harap2 begitulah..
So, here we go again aktiviti suami jadi doctor di rumah inject gonal-f. Are you ready beb?

It's a small world

If my life is made into a movie, I’m sure the viewers will see those people who crossed into my life (sekejap atau lama) before are now my friends or enemies.

When I got to know my husband, I learned that he used to work at ascott near klcc and taking putra to work while I was an undergrad student, 15 kg lighter, wearing braces and made monthly visit to my orthodontic at Bangunan Angkasaraya, also taking putra. So I told my huband, entah2 kita pernah berselisih kat klcc or dalam putra kan? Only Allah can answer that. I remember when I was in Unggul, I did notice him because everytime I saw him, asyik2 bergayuuuuuuuuuuuut memanjang kat telefon. And now, he’s the guy who slept next to me every night.

Husband got transferred to a new place, met new colleagues and coincidentally, when his colleague/roommate (they share room) received his promotion letter last week, it’s stated there that he’ll be moving to my previous ministry and was suggested to replace my office-mate who also got transferred out. Wow, he’ll be doing what I had been doing for the pass 4++ years. All the best to him. Hihi.
And Ziehan, my sidangmate during dpa will be in the same unit with my husband.

Pusing2, kat situ je.

Common sense

When you are leaving a place, you MUST tidy up everything which obviously includes disposing that mess you’ve kept throughout the years. Common sense. Full-stop.

My department is leaving for Putrajaya end of this year. We are asked to tag everything we plan to take with us. Everything was tagged except for these 3 cabinets which belong to the previous officer who left when I got transferred here.

Oh man…..

3 cabinets with 4 drawers each. All 12 drawers are stuffed with files and papers since year 2007!!!! He didn’t even bother to throw all those unwanted files before he left and there are so many original letters since 2007. Haiyo… Tepuk dahi den..

I remember my previous boss told me to dispose those papers which I haven’t flip through for 2 years. Sisih, sisih. Housekeeping every 6 months. Takdelah lepas 3 tahun baru nak sisih, memang berguni2 beb..

I spent 2 days cleaning up my room before I left so that the officer who comes in won’t curse me like I’m doing right now. Sabar jer la.

2 drawers down, 10 more to go… grrrrrr

Random

Wow, can you believe that raya is in 7 days from now? I’m not that excited eventhough I have like 5 beautiful new baju kurungs for Raya. Well, you may know one of the reasons why. heh

I love Ramadhan. But I admit that I have not used this Ramadhan to the most optimum. I really hope that I get to meet the next Ramadhan. Amin..

So far, the weather for this Ramadhan is perfect. It rained almost every afternoon here in KL (but all shine and bright in Putrajaya).

I took the 6.05am erl to work. Left house before Subuh’s prayer and reached the office still dark and empty. I’m being sceptical and cautious that someone will grab my bag or splash acid to my face so I walked very fast from the station to the office while holding the handbag very tightly. Odd looking fellow..

I went to Sogo last Friday. It was maaaaaaaaadness there. Those women (and some malay men, ehem) were shopping like crazy. I was looking for 3 things, a pair of new court shoes, a long flowy formal skirt and a set of handkerchief for husband. I saw a pair of nice reasonable black court shoes a month ago but sadly I was told that they no longer have my size when I decided to buy it. Oh well, I didn’t want to go back empty handed because my 2 and ½ year Clarks’s is beyond repair. Toured the shoe section a few times and fell in love with scholl’s new arrival. Grab it. So, no shoes for the next 3 years tau tak.

Found the skirt I’ve been eyeing for a few weeks, grab 2 sets of gentleman’s handkerchief for husband, toured the house whole section while couldn’t stop wishing that I have more extra money to spend for those beautiful Hallmarks’ bedsheet and left the crazeeeee department store at 2pm. The longer I stay, the dangerous I’ll become to my wallet and credit card. heh

I always find it safe if I shop with some objectives to achieve. With that, I don’t go wandering around and accidentally bought a few stuff just because they are so damn cheap one.

2011 is approaching its 4th quarter. I haven’t managed to shed a kg. The next strategy is to hang my mess kit at a place where I can easily see it macam di pintu dapur peti ais and aim to get that size again. Agak2 boleh berjaya tak? hahahaha

Technology

Here we don’t use punch card to clock in and out. We use biometry which is the finger print. For the past 3 months ++, clock-in successfully with only a single scan for me was like, NEVER..

There was this one time, I stood there trying to scan my finger print for almost 10minutes. I don't know how many times I tried and it all went, buzzzzzzzz with a red light.

What confused me is that, clock out seemed fine with a single scan.

Last week, a staff told me that a dry thumb print makes it difficult to read. So, wet the thumb or rub your thumb on that oily forehead of yours before you scan and voila, successful with just a single scan. Happy :)

Anon

Blogging used to be fun when I first started in year 2006.

Social network was very foreign to many of us back then. So, no one (means friends) read my blog except the writer herself. heh.. I commented on things I saw and observed and no one was hurt because people out there don't take it personally because they don't even know who I am.

However, things are different now.

Everything I wrote may become personal to others even though I never mean to hurt any of them at the first place (just because they thought they know who I am, my situation.)

Some may say, it's my blog, so it's up to me to write what ever I like. If people out there don't like it, then they can leave and stop reading..

Well, for me it's not quite right to think it that way.

I think Mala has an entry about this and I am very much agree with it. (I am always enlightened with her entries :)

When I published an entry, I do hope that some of the words written are able to remind my readers on things they may have forgotten.

But if it only brings damage than good now, maybe it's time for me to blog anonymously again..

Sad..

My dear TTC friends,

It is indeed very true that those who have never been in our shoes will never understand how we felt or what we have gone through..

And just because we're in THIS situation, words written or said are always being misled by them for not being sensitive of their "unfortunate" condition..


*****

Therefore..

from the bottom of my heart, if you think I was being very harsh in my previous post, I'm sorry. I'm sorry if you think I was not being sensitive enough because I have only been pregnant for 5 weeks and never had the chance to experience any sickness like you..
I'm sorry. You should know it was never meant for you but I know you're saying what you said representing your group.

I always wish the best of health for all pregnant friends and mothers out there.

I know you are all heroes but it doesn't mean that we are not either. Suffering from heartbroken every month, the thoughts played in our minds that maybe we are not "meant to be", being called infertile by relatives, the fertility treatment and many other things are unbearably painful...

And how I wish I were in your shoes..


My TTC heart hurt so much tonight, I cried...
I hope it's just for tonight

Merungut

Saya pasti, semua orang pasti akan merungut. Hanya orang yang tinggi imannya sahaja yang cukup kuat untuk tidak merungut. Saya juga tidak terkecuali. Tidak terkecuali dari asyik merungut.

Dulu saya selalu merungut penat turun naik public transport ke tempat kerja. Sekarang alhamdulillah, saya dah boleh tolerate. Berhimpit punggung bertemu punggung dalam tren pun adalah suatu situasi biasa yang tiada siapa yang suka tapi saya bersyukur kerana masih ada ruang di dalam tren untuk saya menyempit kerana kadangkala berlaku keadaan di mana tren datang lewat atau pengguna terlalu ramai, kami terpaksa beratur dan menunggu giliran untuk masuk ke dalam tren yang padat. Bersyukur tempat kerja saya hanya berbeza jarak tidak sampai beratus KM.

Saya menderita ulcer yang besar di lidah dan tidak berupaya untuk bercakap dan teramat sukar menelan air liur selama hampir 4 hari. Dan selama 4 hari itu, saya jadi manusia yang hanya bercakap apabila perlu nak merungut pun tak boleh. Nak MC, badan masih sihat, cuma mulut yang sakit, kerja boleh diteruskan maka saya masih bekerja seperti biasa.
Hiduplah saya tanpa merungut selama 4 hari. Bile berlaku perkara yang tidak best, hanya mampu beristighfar.. Pada ketika itu, saya rasakan diri ini terlalu kerdil dan tidak bermaya.

Kebelakangan ini jiwa saya amat sensitif dan cepat tersentuh. Anda pasti sudah tahu bahawa jabatan saya memperuntukkan 1% kakitangannya untuk golongan kurang upaya yang mana kini telah mencecah hampir 4%. Maka pemandangan melihat golongan OKU adalah suatu pemandangan biasa. Tambahan pula, terdapat sekolah buta untuk budak laki-laki berhampiran.

Di suatu pagi seorang buta berjalan agak jauh di hadapan saya. Tiba-tiba dia berjalan semakin menghampiri pokok dan seorang wanita telah menarik dia menjauhi pokok tersebut. Tidak semena-mena, saya menangis. Menangis membayangkan sekiranya Allah tiba2 hendak tarik nikmat hidup saya, adakah saya akan tabah menghadapinya.. Air mata tak sempat kering, terserempak pula dengan ibu muda membawa anak lelakinya yang sungguh comel tetapi buta berjalan ke sekolah. Saya menangis lagi..

Ya Allah betapa besarnya dugaan sesetengah orang itu. Dan saya, baru dapat sakit sedikit, merungut berjela2 sedangkan hidup saya dilimpahi nikmat yang tidak terhingga dan jika saya merungut pada orang buta di depan saya itu, mesti boleh dapat pelempang free sebab tak bersyukur.

Bagi ibu2 mengandung, nasihat saya, merungutlah secara sederhana ataupun tidak perlulah kot diberitahu ke seluruh komuniti setiap hari bahawa anda sedang menderita morning sickness kerana terdapat golongan di luar sana yang sanggup bertukar tempat dengan anda asalkan dapat mengandung.
Bersyukurlah yang anda sedang mengandung. Dapat mengandung dan melahirkan bayi yang sihat itu adalah suatu miracle yang berlaku setiap hari.

Dan juga peringatan kepada saya, bermoyok kerana teringatkan kandungan yang telah hilang tidak akan menghidupkannya kembali. Bersyukurlah yang saya masih ada suami yang sangat penyayang (yang kini sedang berdengkur tidur di sebelah.. Hehehe). Enjoy lah setiap saat bersama.

Saya bersyukur..

Happy 2nd Anniversary sayang...

I hope you like your gifts because I really love mine and the surprises you gave me :)

Mak saya selalu bilang, bila kita didatangani dugaan, itu tandanya Allah sayang kita kerana Dia mahu kita sentiasa ingat kepada Dia kerana kesenangan mudah membuat kita lupa dan lalai.

24 months.

4 more days and we'll be 2 years. Alhamdulillah. Too bad it falls in the fasting month. Bad means we have to celebrate it later. Bercuti di bulan puasa, rugi tahu. heh

Been surfing the net for a not so budget vacation in Malaysia. Since we have spent a big sum a few months ago, we are a bit sengkek to spend some more.

However, this place is beautiful.




I don't know why, but I'm obsess with private pool. Our honeymoon isn't that fancy. (it depends on one's definition of honeymoon. Some spent all out and came back broke but can still be happy about it.. hehehe.) Since we have to cough up our own money for the wedding, fancy honeymoon will have to come later.

The cheapest room at Legend International Water homes is RM450. Not sure whether it has govt rates. 2 nights means spending almost RM1K which for me is kinda absurd kan? I can buy a quality standing steam iron and a vacuum cleaner with that sum of money.

Kadang-kala susah tahu nak simpan duit gaji setiap bulan. Setelah seronok melihatnya bercambah, kemudian zasss hilang seribu. wuhuhuhu.. Tak sanggup tapi nak pergi bercuti kat tempat yang cantik.. Priority, priority kept on playing on my head sampai dah boleh buat lagu.

Time2 macam ni la rasa macam best kalau menang loteri. hehehe

Ape pun, alhamdulillah for every nikmat Allah has given us..

It's now August and I have 27 days of annual leave.. weeheehee

3 months

I love doing what I did in my previous ministry. But I think I've had enough after 4 years. So, I put up in the profiling survey that I wanted to do something else in other ministry.

My wish is granted.

I was sent to KL. At first I wasn't happy. Mixed feelings. I wanted to stay. I really wanted to tell my boss that I didn't want to go but part of me was excited to accept the challenge to a new place, meeting new people and doing new things.

The other part won. Or should I say my ego. I don't want to be called a coward for being such a sissy not to accept the transfter just because I was so comfortable at my previous place or because the new office is 50km away from home.

I was not in a good mood for the first month. I hate waking up as early as 5.30 (again), take the ERL, exchange to LRT, walk almost 400m (I think) from the station to my office, arrive at the office all sweaty and sticky and went back home tired and moody..

Regardless of all that, alhamdulillah..

3rd August 2011 marks my 3rd month here.

I think I'm ok with it now. Learn a lot about service, LRT, ERL, the people and the shopping.. Eh??

Wearing croc$ is compulsory. It's light, comfy, it dries up fast when it's raining and I can run wearing it. Yes, I run wearing baju kurung or skirt to catch the train if I had to. hehehe

Sure, every place has it's flaws. Oh well, I've learned my lesson not to talk bad about my work. So, let's leave it that way and try my best to cope with it or not to think too much about it :)

Of course, I still walk down the memory lanes. Called my ex-colleague a few days ago and we talked long hours, about the work (the previous work place). Some of you may have read or watched about this, this and this.

If I were still at the old place, all those things may occupy 3/4 of my 9 hours at work doing follow-ups and attended meetings regarding them. Even the ksu went down to the desk officer's room to prepare the feed-back for the minister. Tak boleh bayang weh.......

So, don't be afraid of the unknown. How cliche it may sound, there's always hikmah in everything. Give yourself time to accept and adapt.

Love what you do and you'll be happy.

Barang wajib setiap hari.

The 3rd

This is our 3rd Ramadhan as husband and wife. Setiap tahun dengan keadaan yang berbeza.

Ramadhan pertama: masih tinggal di rumah parents or FIL. Travelling from Putrajaya to KL and we usually ended up breaking fast in the car.

Ramadhan kedua: Lebih stabil. Tempat kerja yang sangat dekat dengan rumah. I cooked almost everyday.

Ramadhan ketiga: Seorang kerja di KL, seorang kerja di Putrajaya tapi kami tinggal di Putrajaya. Macam campuran Ramadhan pertama dan kedua.

So far, I managed to leave the office before 5, took the 5.40pm ERL. Safely seated in the blue car to buy food for iftar at 6. Arrived home at 6.30.

Masih tiada mood masak untuk berbuka sebab penat. But us being the couple that hates to spend so much on food bought as minimal supaya tidak membazir. Yesterday was just a packet of nasi kerabu each and today was nasi ayam. No kuih, no drinks, no side dishes.

Mengakhiri entry dengan gambar kasut di luar surau yang mana jika diclick untuk imej yang lebih besar, anda akan dapati kasut ini tidak sama kiri dan kanannya. Adakah ini satu trend terbaru??

The PKAC

It's a blessing that both of us work in the same scheme. And now, we are doing the same portfolio.

We got to share the similar information regarding our work. When PAC (or PKAC) came into our world, I got to copy his and became the saviour at my department. Hehe..

Well, that's me on the right. Komited buat kerja ;)

Working hand in hand..

How can I say no when the husband asked me a favour to be the facilitator for his PAC. I got to spend time with him, stayed at the hotel, no need to cook and dapat duit poket jadi fasilitator. I enjoyed every second of it. The experience and the food served.

This is a lazy entry.

Registration

I just sat there prettily. heh

Eh, macam kenal mamat ni ;)

The candidates tengah buat ujian psikologi

Beep test yang tengok je pun dah rasa penat

Oh hey, that's me about to ring the bell. I'm the facilitator for Pengucapan Awam.

Debat Parlimen. I was once like them.

Request daripada candidates untuk bergambar dengan Cik Suraya dan Encik Kamarul without them knowing that we are actually husband and wife :)

5 years ago, I attended the same thing at IKWAS. It brings back old memories :)

Oh well, have I mentioned that the food was yummylicious?

Had ikan patin masak tempoyak, sate tulang, kambing bakar, daging pelanduk and lots of durian jelebu. Oh my..

Sate tulang. The first time I heard of it.

And Wan treated his staff for a session of karaoke on the last night there.

Doing the thing he enjoy most.

Got back home on Sunday and the next day was my turn of PAC. But mine is called PKAC and it was done in an old folks home. That's another story..

Ramblings

I was reading almost hundreds of those posted on Bersih's Twitter the other day. (yes, I have 28hours a day to spent my time doing that) Like dad always said, always read both sides of the story. That's why he spends his 24 hours (unlike me, dad only have 24 hours, heh) reading all the newspapers online around the world. From Israel Post, Washington Post, Utusan to Harakah Daily.

Back to that Bersih thing. Many tweeted how they were greatly united on that that; Oh "this malay lady gave me shelter in the surau", "this chinese makcik gave me salt", "we hold hand in hand in the rain"..

I'm a daily public transport user. I'm sure almost 30% that take the train with me everyday support Bersih. so they talk about how they unite, love other races and 1 Malaysia is bullshit.

However, yesterday was an old chinese pakcik. Very old, white hair, every unstable, walk very slow and he was standing all the way from Bandar Tasik Selatan to Masjid Jamek. (It is a 25 minute journey) because none of them (chinese, malay, indian, others) offered him a seat. He barely stand with one hand holding the pole, he had to use both hands!

And today was a Malay pregnant lady. She was standing in the middle of the train near the door. The train was less packed today, so she was visible to those standing and seating. But sadly, those seated left her standing all the way. Mangkok betol!

So, their Bersih's united only lasted for what, on 9th July 2011 between 1 to 6 pm eh?

What a joke..

Reunited

Delayed post..

I'm excited to have seen this post near the lift. Terus rasa nak snap a picture. Yes, we're moving to Putrajaya end of this year. Those living nearby Putrajaya are eager to leave KL but those who want to stay working in KL area are submitting transfer letters..

I'm kinda sad though. Because never have I had such a great working team. I definitely don't mind staying back till night when I have such awesome officemates. But when almost 70% request to stay working in KL, it means we'll be having a new set of staff..

Well, we have a very chronic situation right now. We don't have money. There is no more A4 papers (we have to cut half the A3 papers), no more toner for the fax machine and the A3 printer, we can't pay lots of things and yes, we are given 1.2b BUT that's a one-off for welfare..........

My previous office pun suntuk duit but this suntuk sampai takde kertas A4! Giler tak????

Dan JP@ sedang menjalankan operasi kejat. Dengan kata lain, hendak mengurangkan waran perjawatan. Jadi setiap kementerian diputuskan supaya memansuhkan certain percent of jawatan kosong. Jadi kawan2, kerja la bersungguh2. Ayah saya bilang, tidak mustahil kerajaan akan retrench kakitangan pula lepas ini.
Mungkin, saya bilang mungkin....

Syukur..

Ya Allah ya Tuhanku, sesungguhnya aku amat bersyukur dengan segala yang dikurniakan kepadaku Ya Allah..

Bekerja di jabatan yang mana 10% perjawatan diperuntukkan untuk warga OKU bermakna, saya akan berjumpa sekurang2nya sekali warga OKU dalam sehari. Yang paling ramai, adalah yang cacat penglihatan.

Ada 1 waktu ni, saya dikehendaki berurusan dengan seorang pegawai. Ketika saya tiba di workstationnya, dia sedang bercakap di telefon membelakangi saya. Saya tidak pastu sama ada hendak mengganggu perbualannya atau membiarkan dia sedar saya ada di situ. Berdehem susah, batuk pun sudah saya mula bosan setelah hampir 5 minit menunggu. Bos dia nampak saya yang masih di situ, terus memanggil nama pegawai tersebut. Rupa2nya dia buta....

Kerja saya pula melibatkan pemprosesan perihal perkhidmatan pegawai dan kakitangan. Setiap hari, saya membaca surat2 permohonan pertukaran, melihat Kew.8 mereka, ada yang tinggal berjauhan dengan suami dan anak beratus km, gaji hanya 1/3 gaji saya, ada yang menderita pelbagai penyakit dan banyak lagi kesulitan yang dihadapi..

Memerhati dan membaca perkara2 ini membuat saya insaf..

Kerana sebelum ini saya kerap merungut walhal hanya berbeza tempat kerja dengan suami sejauh 45km, masih mahupun gaji yang lebih besar, masih berbelanja perkara2 yang kadang-kala tidak berfaedah sedangkan jika disedekahkan wang itu pun lebih baik, masih mahupun kemewahan hidup yang mana hidup masih boleh diteruskan tanpanya.

Maka, sejak kebelakangan ini saya rasa hidup ini lebih mudah dan kurang tekanan jika niat di hati ditetapkan segala pekerjaan yang dilakukan adalah kerana Allah, untuk mendapat keberkatanNya dan bersyukur dengan nikmat dan rezeki yang diberi..

Selagi saya mampu, saya akan cuba sehabis baik.

Oleh sebab itu, saya memang rasa nak sepak sorang2 yang tengah duduk walaupun tengok wanita mengandung, orang tua sedang berdiri di dalam tren. Setelah 2 bulan menjadi pengguna pengangkutan awam, aksi pura2 tidur bila pintu tren terbuka MEMANG berlaku. Sorry to say, golongan yang selalu buat macam tu ialah lelaki. Dan setakat ni, setelah berpuluh trip, baru ade seorang lelaki bagi tempat duduk kat perempuan. Sebelum ni, hanya wanita yang bersimpati dengan wanita. Dan yang lagi mendukacitakan, wanita yang selalu memberi seat kepada tak kira bangsa dan agama itu adalah non-muslim.. Sedihkan??

The comeback

5 MCs and 1 EL.. I didn't go to work for 6 days and on Tuesday, it was really hard to get up at 5.30 in the morning again.

Alhamdulillah, I have great family, friends and officemates who are very concern about me. Thank you very much. I really appreciate it from deep of my heart.

Everyone at the office said I look very pale and sick. I was confirmed miscarried on Thursday and they said the hospital should give me a week leave. But I was only been given 2 days on Thursday and Friday and on Monday, the doctor refused to give me one at first and asked me to go to work but I insisted so she gave me a day MC reluctantly. (kedekut bangat! 2 days earlier tak boleh kira sebab masa tu doktor suruh rest sebab belum confirmed lagi)

Today, I am down with flu but I still force myself to work. There are so many things to settle before Ramadhan so I pity my colleagues if they have to manage all of it with one officer short.

So life goes on as usual. I don't think much about what happened but there are a few times that I felt really sad for no reason (or maybe for that particular reason.)

*yawn*
I'm so sleepy.. Can I have a 10 minute nap?

Daily doses

Last week, I was so excited to buy this. However, after what happened, I change the When to Before.



Here I am, restarting my journey again guided by professional :) I'll do better this time..

It's officially gone

Good news I mentioned in the previous3 post is now officially a sad one.

After 22 months of marriage, I finally get the one I wanted. Oh yes, a double line on the pregnancy test kit. I even bought the most expensive one on the counter.

However, dear God has better plan for me. That tiny little thing just won't stay where it should be. It fell and died. I miscarried at week 5.

At first, I blame the long distance travelling back and forth to work. Remember when I was rushing to Putrajaya by public transport to send those important papers because office car was not available and the travelling to Lumut for the workshop?

But then, just now I saw it in the screen. It's still here in my uterus, lifeless. I can see that the shape is deformed. So the doctor said, it's actually a good thing that it didn't survive.

I was given another 2 day MC. I was asked to rest, and hopefully it will go out naturally like menses. If it doesn't, then I have to go through D&C which I find it very horrifying.

I experienced no symptom of pregnancy and even though it is still very new, I had grown fond of it and it is indeed such a beautiful feeling to know that I'm carrying our baby.

Of course, I did cry, a lot. I knew there must be something wrong the moment I bled heavily on Monday. Went to AnNur Bangi, the doc did vaginal scan and she couldn't see the baby sac. Did UPT again (only a very faint double line) and a blood test which I received the result today that shows that I WAS pregnant.

My emotion is like a roller coaster. Last night I was happily watching this hilarious JDrama and a moment later, I was sobbing like a toddler who lost her toy. Luckily I have a wonderful husband who always supports me during my ups and downs.

Well, the good thing is, it shows that I can conceive. So Allah is giving us a sign that I'm perfectly normal and my time will come soon.

(I'm not promoting clear blue here, hehehe)
On the 22nd, the line is fading and so did my heart.. :'(

Updates #2

Rain, chilly wind, comfy bed, good J-Drama, husband bringing home lunch and eating on the bed still wearing pyjamas. Ah, almost heaven.

As I mentioned before, I'm on leave today. (And planning on taking another EL tomorrow.. Blame on the depression I'm having right now.. Cheh).

I did nothing today but watch the full series of Dragon Zakura. The drama is so good that I kept on comparing it to those cheesy Malay Drama every 2 minutes (cheesy or not, I still watch them.. pfffttt). JDramas, there isn't one that couldn't make me laugh and cry at the same time.

Updates

It's now 10 minutes to 11. I haven't bathed since yesterday afternoon. Still lying on the bed, blanket not folded, pillows strewn all over. I haven't brushed my teeth but I've already eaten breakfast. Gross, I know..

I'm not in the mood of doing anything. I even ignored the dirty floor which previously my OCD will always make me wipe it until it's clean and shiny. My hair is oily and unmanageable. The eyes are swollen so I refused to look at the mirror.

Blame it on the stomach cramp or should I call it period pain. (some readers go "what??"). I hardly slept last night.

I'm on MC since yesterday. Planning on taking EL tomorrow. I'm sure the boss will have some sympathy knowing my condition right now. After all, I still have 28 days leave left this year. So screw work! Haha

Maybe I need shopping therapy. I still have a few bucks left for this month to spend and the next pay-check is in 2 days. Yippee.. But I just spent a big sum last Saturday celebrating on the thing that I may no longer have.

Today is 21st June already. My 2nd anniversary will be in less than 2 months. (Oh my, I've been married that long eh?) So, I'll spend the rest of this day scouting pressie for my wonderful husband. You guys don't envy me and go back to work..

*yawn*
I think I'll sleep first. Hubby, please wake me when it's lunch time will ya?

We plan...

...He decides.

Things did not turn out the way we want to..

Should I blame myself for not being extra careful?

Like Wan said, it's fated...

The final result is in a few days but I'm not expecting any good news.

It'll be super devastating to know the opposite when I'm expecting a better one.

What ever it is, I'll accept this destiny as His challenge.


So, let me cry now...


Che Mat JP@, aku nak hantar surat tukar ke mana2 jabatan di Putrajaya. Disember terlalu lama nak tunggu........

Strength

Just arrived home after a 2-day workshop in Lumut. Husband's not at home, he has a team building thing at Raub. We only have a few hours to spend tomorrow before I head off for a 5-day course at INTAN Sabah on Monday. We are seeing each other less and less each month. *Sad*

Anyway, did you know that out of 6400 staff of my department through-out the country, there are only 40PTDs? And my Ketua Pengarah now is the first one from that scheme. I'm honoured to join this department knowing that I have a great person that's leading it. He was the Kedah's SDO director before he was ordered to take the KP's post. We had a 3 hour session with him last night. Oh my, he's damn good at giving talks. We were laughing the whole session.

He kept on saying that every cloud has a silver lining. Every hardship we are going right now will make us stronger and like what we do then the work will automatically be much easier. My dad once said to me this and of course my mom will always say this everytime I come back home whining about work.

4 and 1/2 years ago, I was shocked when I knew I got the post. I was wearing pants to the interview and I was totally not prepared for it. I was actually kinda relax because I already accepted another offer. I attended the interview for the sake of experience with no pressure at all on my shoulders. But mom says, the panel must've seen something in me that day so I must not stopped searching for it and use it for good.

Everyone wants to stay at one place and be that person that everyone refers to. You are honoured and complacent to be the most senior there. Nobody wants to be the new kid that knows nothing. But transferring from one place to another (for my scheme) is actually rather challenging and exciting. You meet new colleagues, new bosses, new subordinates, new clients, new knowledge to learn and different problems to solve therefore you gain new experience.

So I want to like working here and hearing the latest news that we must start packing in December makes me even happier. Yay!

Train story

Taking the public transport to work is tiring especially when you have to stand for the whole 30minutes and another 10minutes rides. You'll see the same view out the window everyday BUT not the same people with the same story.

Yesterday morning, a mother and her primary school son were standing next to me. She managed to pour hot water into a tumbler with a mixed of oat, milo and milk powder (I heard she told her son) while standing and asking the son to drink it there and then because it's his time for breakfast. Obviously, she's ignoring the "no eating and no drinking" in the train. hehehe. A very good breakfast indeed.

Today, 5 minutes delay caused a very significant difference. Instead of 1 train every 5 minutes, the train came after 10 minutes. So more and more people were waiting at the station. And of course, the delay was not only at my station. So many people were already standing in the train when it came and arriving at Cheras station, the train was so packed, people can not go in anymore.

I was standing at the back of a lovey dovey secondary school chinese couple. The girl is a bigger version of my niece. She looks exactly like Hannah. I was facing them so I can't help glancing. Hehehe.. I can see that the boy is so madly in love with the girl. Ah, puppy love. I wonder how far will they go.

Back to yesterday's story, I was asked to personally deliver a letter to JP@ at the very last minute. There was no more office car, so I had to take the public transport. Imagine that. Luckily Wan was around so he took an hour off to drive me there. Left the office at 3pm and rushing to catch the 3.40pm ERL. Managed to finish the whole business at 4.30.

And it felt so good to be at home after all the rushing.

I'm learning to walk more gracefully now :)

Living

Not so long ago, I used to get irritated on why these ladies walked all slow and dainty to work, in the morning.

And now, when I'm one of them, I know exactly why.

It's because we don't want to get all sweaty and smelly upon arriving at work. On the day I woke up late and had to walk super fast, that day will be called my busuk day. I will be busuk for the rest of the day because I was sweating as early as at 7 in the morning.

The weather is hot, even during the early morning or at night. I take the 6.35am ERL, and still sweating if I walked a little faster when the board is showing "1min".

Work has taken almost 60% of my life. In order to clear off the IN tray everyday, going back at 5pm is rather impossible. Same goes for dear husband. I left the office at 8pm for a couple of days already, arriving home at 9pm++ exhausted and just too tired to eat. But I can't do that.

Oh well, something extremely great happened but it's just way too early to announce or get all excited. Let's give it a few more weeks, shall we? :)

3 dots

Found the 3 dots in another pair of my Clarks..

(Click to enlarge)

Notice the 3 dots?

Here's a close-up image.




The dots are so obvious, aren't they?

I've only tried this a few times inside the house.. Spread to your non-muslim friends, I'm selling this at RM100.. Clarks', size UK 3 1/2 bought in UK.

Scam

It's almost 9 and Wan's still at the office. I couldn't understand how some of the fortyeights get back home with clear conscience while during the day his/her job is ONLY giving commands and expect the work to be done while he/she loiters around chit-chatting whereas the subordinates are struggling to finished up the work.

*sigh*

And some can actually call you into the room just to ask you to make a simple call. Such a cowardice.

not referring to anyone. This is a general statement

Anyway, on my way to the ERL today, I was stopped by this jambu-ish looking guy. He asked for my 5mins time. So, being all kepochi to know what is it about, I was explained about this programme by MFC. (I didn't even bother to know what is it stands for because the programme is kinda fishy.) I told myself, if he showed me pictures with people holding kipas duit, I'll leave the place immediately.

He explained, just fill in the form which includes my IC number. Once registered, everytime I spent money on anything, just send an sms to this number, points will be added into my MFC account. Once reached 1500 points, I'll be given a RM20 Sijil Simpanan Premium. So easy one........

So I asked him (not the jambu'ish looking guy. I realised he's using his look to lure ladies to spend time listening to their programme however the not-hot-looking guy will do the talking.. heh) what is it for them because I don't see any benefits to them.

He explained that this programme is to help the Bumis.. *laugh*

I asked whether I can bring home the brochure to read and to check with the Ministry whether the programme is registered but he said I can't because the form is for registered people only.

He told me that the programme has been ongoing for 3 years. Well, if the programme is so successful, why can't they afford their own domain name? Because they email address uses yahoo domain and the website is a blogspot's.

I said sarcastically to him that there's nothing in this world which is free of charge. And rudely, the not-hot-looking guy said, "Kalau tak percaya, sudahla" while closing the brochure and ignoring me who was sitting in front of him just like that.

Eeeee, teruknya.. Nak kecik hati dengan aku pesal. Nasib la aku tak tertinggal ERL sebab dengar program ko yang ada ciri2 penipuan tu.

So, siapa pernah dengar program dari MFC ni?

Adapting

Here I am at Wan's office, trying to ignore the noise that came from Hari Belia. It's scorching hot out there. People and rubbish at every corner. We walked from Wan's office to Jom Makan area, ate breakfast and later took the tram back to Wan's office.

Watched the cheerleader competition for a few minutes which Wan was quite disappointed because all of them wore short tights underneath the skirts and not like the one in Hellcats.. shesssshhhhhh

Wan's on duty. Superbusy for the past week promoting the Hari Belia thing. We went to Terminal 1 Seremban last Saturday (got my hair done while waiting for him) and to NZ Curry House last Wednesday night.

We're still trying to adapt to the new routine. I rarely cook nowadays, I only eat bread during lunch and sometimes I totally forgot to eat. So engrossed with work I guess. hehehe

After a few weeks trying to catch the 5.40 ERL, I finally made it last Thursday. But I was rushing like mad. So I decided, it's not worth it and I'll be ok with the 6.10pm ERL. But it was definitely a good exercise and got all sweaty and smelly in the ERL. hehehe

I got to get myself a pair of crocs. It's crazy to walk to the station with my court-shoes.. Annnnnnnnddddddd, I just realised my flatties that I have worn for 2 years has 3 dots this morning!!!!!!!!!!!! Need to samak the feet and hands..

I am now a public transport user. I take the Ampang Line LRT and ERL everyday. Arriving around 6.30am at the ERL station to work (on the day Malia's not going to work), I'll see all these long faces. (muka malas nak pergi kerja :) Everyone is walking in slow motion mode. I wish the waiting time between ERLs is less that 30 mins and the LRTs is less than 5 minutes during peak hours because people can be very mean in able to get in the train.

Another thing, it's hard to differentiate between the extra weight and pregnant ladies. so sometimes, I just ignored the empty seat, therefore I won't feel guilty for seating while the mind was thinking whether she's pregnant or overweight and should I or Should I not give my seat to her.

I'm reading again. Currently reading Olivia Irving's, Priceless which is the only non-fiction English novel on the rack at my office's pusat sumber.. But, the pusat sumber borrows book from the national library. So I can actually request for any book I want and the librarian will borrow it from the National Library. Best kan?

Trying..

Air Asia RM0.10 tickets started at 12 noon today. Planned to book tickets unfortunately the internet connection at my office is extremely slow.. After a while, I managed to key in my sister's details (All 4 of them for their balik kampung ticket next year), clicked next and all of a sudden, IE stopped working and restarted. Geram tak????

I've gave-up on the internet connection, I can only open my gmail using html view and even the department's webmail takes about 5 minutes to load. Grrrrr..

Stop complaining.

I'm starting to miss my old office. My 22 degrees Celsius room, my well kept stationery in the drawer, the high speed connection, good lighting, the space under the table which I usually slept during the long Friday lunch break..

Ok, stop complaining.

Service work is no fun, I like money and figures more. However, I'm trying to adapt as fast as I can. The workload is so much, kept on receiving 2 feet high of files and so many incoming letters to attend to everyday. And the phone never stop ringing, the begging, the angry person, the crying. The colleagues said, after a few months, I'll get use to it and will be more hati batu to layan all these people.

Ok, stop complaining.

Previously, I worked at the 2nd biggest ministry and now my department is one of the biggest Jabatan. It's like I'm meant to be in the biggest agency.

It's confirmed that we'll move to Pjaya next year. 8 more months to go. Let's start counting.

It's 10.30, let's sleep....

Hope

TTC update:

Woke up and realised, hey today is CD29. I have never ever reached more than CD28 since I hit puberty. It has always been a 26-27-day cycle, everymonth, without fail.

I can't remember when was the last time I did UPT. I remember I bought 2 test kit and had done only 1 test. I think there's one kit left in the closet. Found it and the expiry date is June 2011. (has it been that long??) I've lost the instruction leaflet, don't know which part to dip. So I decided, I don't want to do the test yet.

I kept on going to the toilet to check whether the new cycle has started, so far it's still negative. Husband said not to be too excited.. I'll try..

Ugly truth

How much we want to deny it, it's a fact that:

1. those who do not like you however are very much interested to know what's happening in your life.

2. when you kept quiet, they think they've won.

3. when something bad happened to you, your haters will excitedly say that's your karma.

I chose to keep quiet. A kakak at my old place told me, it'll be a neverending fight if I still want to voice out my stand because they will never admit they are also at fault.

I'm not a heartless beast. When they said those words to me, I can barely sleep at nights. I had nightmares and I kept on thinking, am I that bad? Am I such a lousy person? I even asked my former boss and the staff from the unit I covered before.

I cried when that kakak sent a consoling sms and told me that life's like this. You can never satisfy everyone in your life. You tried to avoid having enemies but sometimes, enemies come to you.

I asked for their forgiveness on my last day but at that time, I never knew that I was not forgiven.

My fault is to write that entry, but I didn't mention any names and I have changed the situation. I wrote it because of anger and I regret letting the anger won because I should've kept everything to myself. One of them said I'm acting all angel like in front of them but at the back I'm worst that jin ifrit. Jin ifrit or not, all those years they've worked under me, I never ever once did anything to harm their career and I even supported for one of them to get apc last year.

*sigh*

People will always see that small black stain on the big white cloth.

The new place #2

I survived the first 4 days, yay..

Couldn't help listening (or eavesdropping) to every little words spoken in the office. Hehehehehe..

Today, I've been given a task and a meeting to attend to. Sadly, there's no fail meja, can you believe that? Luckily Wan is doing the same job-scope and he brought back his fail meja for me to copy. Call me a weirdo, but I like to type when I'm stress. I plan to type them tonight, which is not a smart thing to do eh? xerox jer lah beb.

Had a chat with one staff of mine. Oh my, she's so efficient and I feel like asking "are you really an spm graduate??". I'm shock to see how these people work. So little staff but so many things to do. And they work like robots. or are they robots?

Since I ate so little and been walking so much (echeh) these few days, I'm feeling a bit tired today. I think in 3 months time, if I manage to keep up with this low carb diet, I can shed a few kg (errr gram).. hehehehehe..

My current happiness, seeing the husband's face when he came to pick me up from the central and we can't stop talking about our new work (even-though we have already talked about it on the phone) until we fell asleep with the light on.

Alhamdulillah, I'm blessed..

New routine

on 3rd May, I reported at the new place.

Today is the 4th day here. I definitely miss my old routine. Woke up at 6.30am, hit the road at 7.30am, had lunch with Wan and went back home at 5.45pm.

But now, I woke-up at 5.30am and couldn't wait for weekend). Took shower, prepared light breakfast, hit the road at 6.30am to Malia's house (car pooling), 1++ hour drive to work, sat at someone else cubicle, read circulars on service and looked at the clock every 5 mins counting hours to go back, (no work has been given yet), got no one to chat with at work, lunch alone or not eating at all (lost my appetite), counting hours to go back, thumbprint at 5pm, took lrt, half-running to catch the 5.40pm erl (but so far, not successful), waited for the the 6.10pm erl, arrived at 6.20pm, Wan's there waiting for his wife, said "I miss you", slept at 9pm..

Yay, tomorrow is Saturday. It's 8.15am, 8 hours and 45 mins to go! Let's start counting.. hehehe

The new place

It feels like a night before my 1st day of school.

Everything is ready, the polished shoes, the document, the attire (which I ironed for the whole week), the book, the minyak angin, the umbrella, the MP3 player, but myself. *forced grin*

Anxious and nervous at the same time.

While Wan and I were lazing around before lunch today, we made some vows on a few things we wish not to repeat at the new place which includes being a little bit garang. hehe, kidding.

Like mom and dad always said, when you get to a new environment, observe and reserve your comment and trust. Get to know the people before you lay your cards on the table. I always bear this in mind.

I'm going with Malia tomorrow. Leaving the house at 6.30am. (no more waking up at 6.30 now, hehehe)

So, all the best to those entering a whole new working place tomorrow and hey, 44 baby :)

The last day

Luckily Atol was there and asked her to snap this:



On that day itself, I'm so glad I got transferred to another place and I wouldn't want to come back.. I'm gonna miss my darling friends the most. You guys take care, be careful and keep in touch.

Letting it go

A day passed by, I started to forget about the "special gift" they called teguran secara halus and accepting it as a joke. Thought of buying a frame and hang it at the new office. OK, not funny.

After giving much thought, I'm not going to privatise my blog. Why should I? But I'll be more careful so that people can't use it against me.

God is Great, I accidentally 'stumbled' into one of the gang's blog. And she kutuk me just as bad as she thinks I kutuk her. If she thinks I'm wrong for writing it up then so does she because she did exactly the same in her blog.

Thought of printing it up and left it on her table. But nah, if I did that, I'm as shallow as she is. I have class (eventhough she said I'm a stupid fella).

It's funny when they thought I "judged" them by listening to one side of a one-day story only. I have ears and eyes yo. I observed and analysed their behaviours for the past 3 years. What about their multiple "info-sharing" sessions during Friday break when they thought I was not in my cubicle (masa tu takde bilik lagi), the incomplete work, the signature forgery, the unnecessary high tone voice when you spoke to your boss (just because you had problems at home), how you kept on talking on the phone with your friends eventhough your boss was right under you nose waiting for you to stop chit chatting, and many more to list out.. Can't that be taken into account too?

And have they ever thought why they were transferred from one unit to another?

I can be a very mean boss if you want me too.

If I'm that evil and hate the subordinates so much, I can give my subordinates 70 for LNPT, I can persuade the boss to lodge a police report when someone forged her signature and I don't give a shite what happened next, I won't let my subordinates take leave when we are in a very tight schedule or let them leave the office when they have personal stuff to attend to, I can force my subordinates to follow me organize an outstation meeting or make them stay back even-though they have small kids to be taken care off, I can do many other mean things and be the I-don't-care boss.

But I had not, I chose not to and I had been too lenient to them instead. But this is what I get in return. Thank you very much. If you think I have not been a very good boss, then have you ever reflected yourself whether you are a very perfect subordinates?

I had experienced having the best subordinates when I covered another unit's work. Oh my, they are the best of the best and how I wish I can bring them along with me. Keep up the excellence work guys.

At 27, insyaAllah I will have another 29 years to go in service. And who knows, I may be your boss again? When that time comes, you'll see a different me. I won't be that naive little girl anymore.

To whom it may concern, good luck with your new boss. He is my friend. An Indian guy. Don't worry, I tak menghasut dia apa2, I just told him to be very, very, very stern with you guys (he doesn't have a clue why). Is that a warning? Some sort of. Hahaha. All the best ya.

Handing over note

Quick note..

2 days to go and I'm all stress-out to hear that Nonie and Ina have done their handing over notes. grrrrr...

I'm off for JKPAK. 1/2 day left for today to finish up my work..

Shanker, kalau aku jahat kan, aku biar je boleh? hehehehe

updates
Terkesima tengok status nota serah tugas Ina = Telah disiapkan..

Farewell lunch

3 days to go, I'm starting to feel sad. This is my first ever workplace, how can I not feel that way right?

Lin treated us lunch today at "Fish Market in Manhattan" which included Wan from a different Department and totally different Ministry. hehehehehehe

Jelitawan Bahagian Kewangan dan Penswastaan (bukan nama bahagian sebenar) save and except the one wearing black corporate jacket

Platter for 2. Ordered 3 platters and all 3 tapau balik

The cutest couple.. hihihihi

Yaya gaya macho sebab nak cover a very huge zit, birthday girl Aju and gorgeous Atol whom currently searching for a prince to sweep her off her feet (Siapa berminat, roger aku. Highly recommended. hehehehehe)

Yaya sekali lagi nak cover zit holding the gift from Lin and Aju disinari cahaya peri-peri

Hot mommies, Khaireen and Lin. Orang kuat Bahagian Kewangan dan Penswastaan (bukan nama bahagian sebenar)

Thank you so much Lin. Gonna miss you gurls. Keep me updated on what's going on tahu.. hihihihi

27

At 27 today, I'm so grateful with what I have right now; a great husband, supporting family, wonderful friends, a steady job = an almost perfect life. I'm content. I believe that we can't have everything we desire because having everything does not guarantee us that we'll be happier, right?

I have been receiving a bouquet of flowers for the past 3 years and the 4th year is lilies.. My favourite flower arrived at my office. It's beautiful. I wish it stays fresh forever.

And the words on the card.. awwwwwww....

Clumsy

Stupidity is when you accidentally spilled your 5th dose of Gonal-f worth RM100.

And it's hard to let it go because I can't tolerate clumsiness. I kept on thinking, if I were more careful, it wouldn't have happened.

So I burst into tears and hugged the husband. There goes the 18mm ovum

After a while, I decided to forget about it and enjoyed a big plate of my mum's nasi minyak..

Must be super extra careful next time. (Oh I hope there's no next time though)

Should I or should I not confess to the doctor? hihihihi

Saturday afternoon

On a sunny Saturday afternoon..


3 1/2 hours later...

IN tray yang masih penuh.
I'm leaving some of the folders for Shankaran's light reading.. hehehehe

Khazanah 4 tahun

My personal stuff

Retail theraphy #2

What have I bought....

Luckily it's April. I can give excuses that it's my birth-month.

Oh my, I'm turning into Akmal.. ehehehehehehe.. *wink*

The blog

Receiving words such as, "Hey, I read your blog" from dear colleagues surprises me..

All these while, I blog silently, some involved things that happened in the workplace. So, in a way, I'm glad that I'm moving out. Then I can blog about my new workplace pulak.. hehehehe

6 more days to go.

I'm sad and excited too.

And hey, I'll be the 1st PSU to leave this department since 2007. I'm touched to know that there'll be a farewell party for me. I hate saying goodbye... :(

Anyone wants to help me clean up this room of 4 years mess?

The injection

Wan playing doctor.

Done with second injection last night..

Memori

(Post entry laju2)

Macam geli je baca tajuk tu.. Sebab teringat tajuk lagu Amelina, Memori Daun Pisang.

*

Bangun pagi tadi, masih rasa macam tak percaya.. Oh no, lagi 2 minggu, kena bangun uber early. No more gen2 biru ke tempat kerja, hai ERL dan LRT 1 jam++ perjalanan.

Menjejak kaki di bangunan E7 pagi ni, tiba2 rasa sayu.. Oh my, I'm sure gonna miss the hassle in Kompleks E.. And my cute, comfy lil workplace.. *sobs* Belum tukar lagi, dah ada orang chop my working crib.. Ada demand sebab ada tingkap dan boleh menonton kekanak bermain riang.. hehehehe

Surat sekeping dengan rantaian perkataan merubah rutin seharian saya dengan mendadak.

Eager like a beaver, saya telah menghubungi pegawai yang akan saya gantikan tempatnya. Terkejut pulak dia bila dengar saya akan ambil tempat dia, terus dia nak hubungi HR Kementerian sebab dia belum dapat sebarang surat.

Sambil2 tu, tanya serba sedikit tentang skop tugas dia, saya akan buat HR, perjawatan. Merasa la buat sesuatu yang berbeza dalam perjalanan career saya ni. Kepada mereka yang cakap nanti muka saya keluar kat Bersamamu sebab bekerja di situ, anda salah ok :P

Dalam 4 tahun, saya pernah buat sedikit2 pasal perunding, aset dan juga penswastaan, Lepas ni, tambah lagi 1 skop, perjawatan. Alhamdulillah, ada penambahan bidang dan pengetahuan baru.

Selidik lagi:
Sebab dia minta tukar: Dah beli rumah di Nilai. Perjalanan pergi balik kerja yang sangat tidak economical.

Jangkaan pejabat sekarang untuk berpindah ke Putrajaya: Awal atau pertengahan tahun depan..

Apa2 pun, semoga segala2nya dipermudahkan. Amin...

Boleh mula buat budget baru dengan pertambahan kos pengangkutan sebanyak RM14 sehari.. whoa...

Surprise

Received the letter, together with a new posting today. Partly I'm excited, new environment, new place. The bad side of it, it's in KL. I was told that the Ministry will move to Putrajaya later end of this year or next year.

The husband got posted to a new workplace too, but it's still in Putrajaya. So, for the time being, no more lunch date with dear husband and the train will be my transport to work.

In 2 weeks time, I need to finish up my pending works as much as I can. It's kinda sad though.

Oh well, it's time for my career to move on.. Hello new Ministry, goodbye beloved Kompleks E..

No more assistant secretary, I am now a senior assistant director.. (ikut suka wujud post sendiri :)